Chapter Text
YOONGI POV
The night sky is pitch black when Yoongi steps outside the dorm building. Despite all the lights hanging all around campus he can still see some stars up above. He lights up the cigarette he went out for, without detaching his eyes off the sky and lets his thoughts run in his head. It amazes him everytime he thinks of it, how the light of those stars takes forever to come all the way to them, how as he looks at one of them it could probably be already dead by now, and he finds beauty in it. His friends think he’s a dreamer, always head in the clouds, thoughts focused on the poetic side of life rather than practical things. Maybe they’re right, maybe he is a dreamer. But it’s who he is, always has been and he won’t change now.
But in his reveries, Yoongi has always dreamed about something more than anything else, or rather someone. His soulmate. Whoever they are, he knows that somewhere, someone was born and grown up to be the perfect match to him, to complete him in every way, to be the one he can always count on, no matter what.
He knows how soulmates work, everyone does. A simple touch of hands, a little gesture between two people that can change two lives at once, forever. It has even become a tradition to hold the hand of someone when you just meet them, for just a few seconds before looking at your own hand to see if any mark has appeared. But no matter how many people he had met, no matter how many hands he’d shaked in his life, everytime had been a disappointment for him to see his hand returned still blank, still just skin on flesh, on top of bones, with nothing more to see, and it’s slowly starting to get to him and daunt him little by little.
He wants it, oh he wants his soulmate so badly. He tried non-soulmate relationships, and it doesn’t work for him. He knows a lot of people for whom it works, but not him. He always had in mind that the other wasn’t the one, he could never be sure about the other’s feelings for him, and truly, he knew his own feelings for them weren’t what love is supposed to be or feel. After his twenty first birthday, he had stopped dating entirely, admitting to himself that if it wasn’t his soulmate, it wasn’t worth it.
And tonight he feels more lonely than he had in a long time. Perhaps it’s due to it being Christmas Eve, perhaps because all his friends had went home to their families and he had to stay on campus for he didn’t have the funds to travel all the way back to Daegu this year, perhaps it’s the scenery in front of him, little lights everywhere, cold wind hitting him as he exhales some smoke shakily, the sound of his footsteps muffled by the layer of snow on the ground... Whatever the main reason, he feels a little down and a lot lonely tonight.
He sighs deeply as he exhales his last puff of smoke and crushes the rest of the stick on the ground. He doesn’t have anything to do during the break, most of his work is done already, but he’s not in any celebrating mood, so he’s thinking of going back to his room and writing some thoughts down. Maybe he can use them later if he has a sad, moody track to make one day.
He’s in the middle of turning around to face the building’s entrance, when someone runs into him and all of sudden he’s on the ground, body spread in the snow. He didn’t hurt himself in the fall, thankfully, but he grunts when he starts to feel melting snow invading his clothes and freezing his skin at the contact.
“Oh my god, I’m so so sorry!” he hears a light voice say somewhere above him. “I wasn’t looking where I was going and I didn’t see you in the way and… Oh fuck! Here, let me help you up!”
Yoongi raises his head to look at whoever just doomed him to freeze to death and his mouth opens on its own at the sight. The first thing he sees is a face. But not an average, boring-to-look-at face, no. That face is a little round though there’s some angles to the jaw, plump rosy lips, wet by a red tongue passing over them every few seconds, round opened eyes that flutters almost imperceptibly when they meet his, and fluffy blonde strands falling on top of them. That face, that can only be qualified as beautiful and angelic, strikes Yoongi right in the heart and makes it stop for a moment.
It takes Yoongi a second to go from that face to the hand the stranger is offering him. But for him, that tiny second feels like an eternity of contemplation; he feels like he can see stars in those eyes and warmth in those cheeks. When he gets out of his trance, he wants to reach a hand to that face, more than to the hand waiting for him.
But he doesn’t. He’s a dreamer, but he’s still capable of grounding himself in reality when needed. And right now, he definitely needs to.
So he takes the hand in his and the boy above him pulls him up with unsuspected strength. He can feel the hot touch of fingers closing around his, but not the rest of the hand, for the sweater’s sleeve the guy is wearing cover them almost entirely, like sweater paws, and Yoongi can’t help the word ‘adorable’ to pop in his mind.
“Are you okay?” the boy asks him, their hands still holding one another. “I’m really sorry… I-I know it’s no excuse but I have a very picky roommate and I was checking the food in my bag, to make sure I had picked the right kind of ramyeon for him… Checked that like ten times on my way over already, and… Ah, sorry, I’m rambling, and surely you don’t care. I’m really sorry…”
Yoongi’s only half listening to the boy’s words, drowned in his clear voice and too absorbed in the sight of their hands still attached, to pay attention to anything but what’s storming in his head.
‘Is there gonna be a mark this time?’
He only snaps back to reality when he stops feeling the warmth around his fingers, and looks up abruptly to see the other’s flushed cheeks, a small smile on his beautiful face.
“I have to go, but again I’m so sorry…” he says as he starts to walk away, backwards. “Merry Christmas!” he waves his hand in the air for a second, looking suddenly very shy, and quickly turns around to almost run inside, out of Yoongi’s reach and sight.
For a second, Yoongi watches him getting away, fluffy blonde hair dancing on his head, hand squeezing the bag in a tight hold.
Hold. Hand. Hands holding…
Yoongi raises his own hand in front of his face in a rapid movement, eager to find a mark on it, but also very apprehensive of not seeing anything new on his skin. His heart is beating so fast in his chest, he can feel the blood pulsing in all his body. He looks at his palm for a moment, anticipating another nothingness on the other side, before he closes it in a fist. When he finally turns it around and gets a look at the skin, his eyes go impossibly wide at the sight. At first he thinks he’s seeing things, that it must be a trick of the light or something. There, on the back of his right hand, traced on the flesh beside the thumb, lies an infinity sign in a thick black line, as if he just got a tattoo. Only, he knows it’s not a tattoo at all, he knows what it means, and while he can’t look away from it, the most wide smile ever spreads on his lips, which he has to bite a little to keep the smile from tearing his face apart.
And as quickly as the smile had came, it goes. He snaps his head up, looking toward the building where the other boy, his soulmate , had ran into, and feels dread invading his body as he realises that he’s gone. His soulmate is gone, out of sight, with no way to find him again. Yoongi’s heart starts to race in his chest and the sudden fear of never seeing his soulmate again sets up in him in less than a second. After his heart, his lungs start to go crazy inside and he has to pause a minute just to learn how to breathe again. Fear has never been pretty on him, always making him lose control of everything and forcing him into a series of worst-case-scenarios. But not this time. He won’t allow fear to stop him, not today. He’s been waiting for this moment all his life and now that he knows his soulmate is so close, he can’t give in to fear.
He breathes deeply and squeezes his right marked hand in the other and puts the thinking part of his brain to work. How can he find the boy again? What does he know of him? Not much, aside from the fact that he talked about a picky roommate and ramyeon, and that he’s the most beautiful being he’s ever seen. But he remembers the guy had walked towards the same building Yoongi lives in, so that must mean he lives there as well, since he was talking about bringing food to his roommate.
So, first thing first, he has to get inside and see if he can spot him anywhere. He moves his legs, a little shakily, but the movement grows steadier as he goes and soon Yoongi is all but running to the building’s entrance, fear forgotten and motivation and hope, both at a 100%.
Once inside, he walks fast through the hallway, towards the cafeteria since his soulmate had talked about food, it seems like the best first place to check. But the place is empty, not one student sitting at any of the tables, no one. Yoongi sighs deeply, but doesn’t lose hope.
‘It’s only the first place you look at, dude. You’ll find him...’ he thinks to himself.
His next best guess is to go upstairs, in the dorm section, and go knock on some doors to gather informations or even find the guy directly. He takes the stairs up to the first floor and tries his luck on almost every door of the floor, but to no avail. Nobody seems to be here, and he should’ve expected it, really, it’s Christmas Eve for fuck’s sake. But Yoongi keeps going, deciding on trying his luck on the second floor, and the third one, but only to be met with pretty much the same results. Over the two last floors, only three doors had opened, and none of the persons who had opened had had any idea of who the guy Yoongi was describing could be.
Hope having now lowered down to 50%, Yoongi steps foot on the fourth floor, the last one of the building, the one he himself lives on. He already knows some of the empty rooms, for he had seen those students leave a few days ago, so he doesn’t bother with them. He tries the other ones though, and at some point he’s met with a very puzzled and confused looking Hoseok, opening the door he just knocked on.
“Ye- Hyung?” he asks frowning.
“Seok… what are you doing here?” Yoongi asks confused as to why his own roommate is opening the door to another room.
“Hum… I live here…?” Hoseok now looks very amused, with a smile on his face, probably thinking Yoongi is messing with him.
“What?” Yoongi frowns. “No you don’t. We live in 413…”
“Yes, 413, as in… the-door-standing-between-us-right-now 413.” the younger seems now on the very edge of laughing at Yoongi’s face.
Yoongi blinks a few time, then looks up at the door itself, only to be met with the three exact numbers matching those of his own room. 4-1-3, in gold letters.
He hears Hoseok chuckle and snaps back to look at him. “You ok, hyung?”
“Yeah… Shit, sorry. I knocked on pretty much every door in the building, and I think I knocked on ours out of reflex, y’know?”
“Why are you knocking on every door? You looking for someone?”
“Yeah…” he answered distractedly, already thinking about the next room, probably empty as well. “Look, I gotta go, see you later, yeah?” and without waiting for Hoseok to answer or even look at him, Yoongi closes the door of their shared room and keeps going through the hallway.
As predicted, the next two rooms give him no answer and soon he’s faced with the last one he hasn’t tried yet. Filled with apprehension and hope, he knocks a few times, trying not to sound rude or too pressed by time. He knows that he has to find his soulmate quickly, or he will never find him at all and probably lose the rest of his sanity. After what feels like hours waiting in front of that door, it suddenly unlocks and opens, revealing a much disheveled Taehyung on the other side, with droopy eyes and no pants.
“Wha- Oh! Yoongi hyung!” the younger greets him before a smile appears on his face. “What can I do for you? But wait, you’re not in Daegu? I thought you went back home every year, what happened?”
“Tae!” Yoongi interrupts him, before Taehyung can ramble even more. “Hey Tae, sorry to bother you tonight…”
“Bullshit, you never bother me, hyung!” Taehyung exclaims with his boxy smile on.
“Right… Hum… Yeah, and no, I couldn’t go back home this year… no money. Gotta save up, now that it’s my last year...”
“Oh right, I’m sorry hyung, I know how much you love going back for Christmas…”
Yeah, Yoongi very much loves to go back to his family for the winter holidays, but this time he and his parents had agreed that it was more important to save up money for when the school year ends and he’s met with the problematic of finding a place to live, without having to sell his organs to afford it. Not that he had mentioned the selling-his-organs stuff to his parents, though...
“So… what can I do for you?” Tae snaps him out of his thoughts, and for a second he doesn’t remember what he’s here for.
“Hum… Oh right! Hum, I’m looking for a guy, we ran into each other earlier and uh… yeah, have you seen a guy with blonde hair and a bag of food in his hands?”
Taehyung quirks a brow at his question, finding it weird or reflecting on it, Yoongi can’t tell which one it is.
“Well, I would’ve said maybe it was my roommate, but only the food part matches… Jimin isn’t blonde… so, no. Sorry I can’t help you on this one, hyung.”
Yoongi’s heart drops in his chest as he realises Taehyung’s room was the last he had to check. That’s it. He has no more clues as to where to look for his soulmate.
“Hey, hyung, you ok?” Yoongi looks up, only now realising that he was probably looking a little sad.
He smiled at his younger friend. “Yeah, don’t worry.”
“What happened with blonde-food-guy to upset you like that?”
“I… I think he’s... my soulmate…”
Taehyung widens his eyes at that and his smile grows ten times larger. “What? Wow, hyung! That’s great! Congratula- wait… If you just met your soulmate, why do you look so…” he gestures randomly between them, showing Yoongi’s face or posture. “...so sad?”
Yoongi sighs and averts his eyes on the floor. “Because I couldn’t talk to him, didn’t even catch his name. He was gone before I even realised I had a mark and by the time I did, it was too late. I’ve been looking for him in the entire building for almost half an hour now…”
“Oh shit… Are you sure he came into this building? Maybe he turned at the corner and went to another one?”
Yoongi emits a little whiny noise. “Are you suggesting I have to go searching in every buildings on campus? Tae… do you know how many dorms there is, around here?”
Taehyung scratches the back of his neck and offers a sheepish smile. “Ah, sorry hyung… I’m trying to help… just saying, y’know?”
Yoongi sighs, for possibly the hundredth time that night. “Ah, I know Tae, sorry… It’s just… so frustrating, y’know? Like, I was so close, but I feel like I’ve never been more far away from finding him…”
“Hyung,” Taehyung whispers with an accomplice kind of smile. “you’ll find him. You’ve found each other once, yeah? And you guys are soulmates, so you’ll find each other again, don’t worry too much!”
Yoongi chuckles, happy that Taehyung was the one behind that door, because he was always able to cheer him up. “I hope you’re right, Tae. I should keep searching. Merry Christmas!”
As Yoongi starts moving down the hallway, Taehyung waves a hand at him and almost yells. “Merry Christmas hyung! Keep me updated, if- when you find him!”
Yoongi scoffs at his friend’s antics. “Sure!” and after a last wide smile, Taehyung closes his door and Yoongi goes down the stairs to get to the ground floor again.
When he reaches the main hallway he wonders for a moment where to look now. Just when he’s about to get outside in a desperate attempt at trying what Taehyung had suggested, he hears the elevator’s door closing and can’t help looking up at it. That’s when he gets a little glimpse of fluffy blonde hair balancing on a head and his heart makes a complete loop inside him.
That’s him!
He rushes to the elevator but is cut short abruptly when he realises it’s already going up. He then makes up his mind the fastest he ever had in his life and runs for the stairs, back where he’s coming from. He quickly makes it to the first floor without much effort, adrenaline pumping in his veins, but as he puts his foot on the last step, he hears the elevator still going and he gathers his strength to keep climbing the stairs. As he reaches the second floor, he clearly hears the dinging of the elevator, stopping one floor above him, and his heart misses a beat at the sound. His soulmate is on the third floor, he’s absolutely sure of that. Panting heavily and a dull pain developing in his legs, he braces himself for the last steps he has to climb.
When he finally reaches the third floor, his breath is heavy in his chest and he can feel pain in some muscles of his legs he had no idea he even had in the first place. But the sight waiting for him there cuts his hopes all at once when he realises there’s no one there.
Yoongi lets himself fall against the nearest wall, out of breath and almost out of hope, and allows himself a moment to breathe, cursing himself for not having better stamina, still staring at the empty hallway.
It’s when he’s about to go back downstairs, that he hears a voice coming loudly from his own floor, above him, and a door slamming shut. He’s about to rush again, to try to catch even a glimpse of his soulmate, when he realises that it must’ve been just Tae’s roommate coming back to their room, and he deflates suddenly, sliding against the wall until he’s sitting on the ground, eyes focused on nothing and thoughts lost far away.
He missed him again. Wherever his soulmate has gone, he’s out of reach now, and Yoongi slowly starts to realise that he has no other options, he’s out of ideas, out of hope. He’s left alone in this hallway, as much as in his life, and he doesn’t have the strength, physical or mental, to chase after that dream of his anymore. He slowly lifts his right hand and looks at the new mark on it. It’s as if the symbol is mocking him somehow, the perfect representation of his situation. He’s so close to his other half, but yet the other remains unattainable
Yoongi lets out a deep sigh, gets up and slowly makes his way down the stairs again, leaving behind him the last whit of his hopes.
As he makes it to the main hallway, he decides on a last smoke for the night and heads outside. It’s a strange feeling for him when he looks at the night and realises that nothing has changed since he was here earlier. The sky is the same black, punctuated with those tiny points of white lights so far away. The wind is still as cold as before, just maybe a bit stronger now, but he embraces it, almost in some sort of punishment for giving up. The ground is the same white, snow covering it in all the same spots. The little lights hanging on all the trees around are still there, though he really looks at them this time.
Those tiny fairy lights, decorating the leafless branches of the trees, are so beautiful in the dark night. They remind him of those his mother used to hang around the house at this time of the year, as she probably did this year too. The longing in his chest grows, as all he can think about now, is how much he craves for some kind of affection right in this moment. Not being able to be with his family this time had put a toll on him, but with what happened tonight, he feels on the very edge of breaking down.
He looks at his hand again, and suddenly he doesn’t want to smoke anymore. The only thing he really wants right now, is comfort, and he figures that since the only one who could put him at ease is out of his reach, he’ll settle on the next best one; his best friend, in their shared room.
He turns around, ready to go back to the warmth, only to feel someone crashing against him for the second time that night. Only this time, he doesn’t fall. This time, he’s caught up by the arm before he can reach the ground.
Stunned, he looks up to see who it is this time, and his eyes meet those he has wanted to find back for the last hour or so. Shining under the fairy lights around them, opened wide and inviting. The eyes of that beautiful being that he can call his other half.
He straightens himself carefully, not trusting his feet just yet and opens his mouth, not really knowing what will come out. “You…”
The boy in front of him doesn’t let go of his arm and slowly lets a smile appear on his lips. “Hey…”
For a moment, none of them say anything, but Yoongi doesn’t mind all that much. He uses that time to fully embrace the sight that this boy is and all that he represents for him. His soulmate. His soulmate is right here, in front of him, holding his arm in the most gentle and caring of ways. His soulmate is with him, but his mind is completely blank and empty. He’s purely incapable of thinking of anything to say or do, and fear is creeping up in him that if he remains silent any longer, the boy might just leave him again.
Before he can think of it, Yoongi grounds himself in the moment by raising his hand and grabbing the other’s arm too. “I went looking for you, but… I couldn’t find you…” he hears himself saying and sees the boy’s eyes go wide.
“I’m so sorry! I didn’t realise what had happened… and I was in a hurry to bring the food back and get a drink, and I… Ugh, I’m gonna kill Tae, I swear! He took so long to remember you went knocking on our door, and... he’s so stupid, I’m gonna choke him in his sleep! And after that…” the boy rambles so fast, Yoongi is having trouble to take in what he’s saying, but one detail catches his attention more than the others.
“Wait, Tae?!” he blurts out, cutting the other in his words. “As in Kim Taehyung? You know him? What…”
“He’s my roommate, and also best friend, though now he’s just very dead, I swear to god! Ugh, you have no idea how it is to live with him, Yoongi-” he cuts himself and raises his free hand to cover his mouth brusquely.
Yoongi’s eyes go wider and his grip on the other’s arm tightens just the slightest bit. “How… You know my name? What…” he manages to say in his confusion.
The other smiles sheepishly and runs a hand through his hair in obvious nervousness, and Yoongi almost whimpers at how beautiful the simple action makes him. “Ah… yeah, hum… I actually… kinda know you?” he says in a soft, hesitant voice. “We… we were in the same Music Theory class, last year…” he finishes his sentence by mumbling something that Yoongi doesn’t get.
“What?”
“Ah! Nothing! I just…”
Yoongi can’t repress a fond smile to form on his lips when he sees the boy in front of him turning impossibly red on the cheeks. “Come on, you can tell me…”
The boy gulps and breathes deeply before he can talk any more. “I just… I said that… I kinda had a crush on you since then…” he says the last part averting his eyes and looking at the ground between them.
And Yoongi is gone.
The boy’s antics are so endearing that he starts to understand why the universe had put them together in its great masterplan. “Can I…” Yoongi clears his throat slightly. “Can I know the name of the guy who had a crush on me since last year, then?” he smiles shyly, trying to not show too much how gone he already is for that boy.
“Has.”
Yoongi blinks, not getting what he means. “Huh… what?”
“You said ‘the guy who had a crush on you’... as in the past… but I-I still d-do…”
“Oh…” is all Yoongi can say right now. He’s just a simple man, and his heart can only take so much before it burst.
Give him a break.
“And I… I’m Jimin. Park Jimin.”
Yoongi smiles at the name. “Nice to meet you, Jimin… I think that… I mean, huh… Can I see your hand…?”
Jimin’s mouth falls open at the question, but no sounds comes out, and he slowly raises his free hand to show it to him. There, on the exact same spot as his own, Yoongi sees the same mark he saw on his skin. He lifts his right hand to join Jimin’s and the moment their hands touch again, Yoongi feels the warm current of energy passing through them and it kind of feels like home in a way Yoongi doesn’t quite understand yet, but welcomes with open heart nonetheless.
Yoongi is cut off in the feeling when he sees little snowflakes falling softly on their joined hands. He hadn’t even realised it had started snowing while they were talking.
“So you are my soulmate… and I am yours…” Yoongi looks up at Jimin and sees the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen. The boy is shining more brightly than the moon and sun combined, warming his whole being in this winter night. “I mean… I kind of guessed you were when I saw my hand, but… but it was more hope... and now I know …”
Jimin’s smile falters a little and Yoongi doesn’t like that vision at all. “I know I’m probably not what you were hoping for but… but I… maybe we can-”
“What?” Yoongi interrupts him so suddenly that Jimin startles and takes half a step back, a flash of fear passing on his features. “No! What makes you think… I… I literally looked everywhere for you, for the last hour! I kept missing you everywhere I went… but Tae said it couldn’t be you, because you were not blonde, though obviously you are … and… and god, I even knocked on my own door! And now that you’re here…” despite the flush that surely colors his cheeks right now, Yoongi fully lets his smile blossom. “I’m so glad I found you… or rather glad that you found me…”
“Really?” Jimin’s voice is so small and so unsure, that all Yoongi wants in that moment is to wrap up that beautiful boy in his arms and reassure him. “Because I’m just… I mean, you’re not… disappointed…?”
Yoongi looks at him like he just said the most enormous, craziest thing ever. “Disappointed? Why? Because you’re beautiful, adorable, endearing and nice?” Yoongi chuckles when he sees the blush in Jimin’s cheeks spreading to his ears. “Yeah, I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed for not finding you sooner. Disappointed in myself for not seeing you in class and for making you wait for me…”
Jimin’s bright smile makes it back on his face and he links their other hands with one another. “The wait was worth it, though…” and it only takes a second for Jimin to cinge at his own words. “Oh my god… that was so cheesy and I’m sorry, I’m so embarrassing!”
Jimin tries to get his hands away but Yoongi doesn’t let him, instead he tightens his grip and waits for the boy to look at him. “You’re not embarrassing, Jiminie. You're the best Christmas present I could've hoped for.”
Jimin chuckles. “Oh wow… you’re even more cheesy!”
Yoongi just shrugs. “I know. I came to terms with it a while ago.” he raises a brow before he continues in a humoristic tone. “Don’t tell anybody I said that, though. I’ll deny it if you do…”
Jimin then lets out a laugh and the sound of it brings so much warmth and emotions in Yoongi that he can’t help himself. The very moment Jimin seems to calm down from it, Yoongi takes a step forward and meets the boy’s lips with his. He feels Jimin’s hand freezing in surprise, but soon they both melt into it and their arms envelope each other in a warm embrace.
When they part after a moment, Yoongi can see so much in the eyes that meet his own, that he’s suddenly overwhelmed and runs out of breath for a second. The Christmas fairy lights reflecting in Jimin’s eyes, the snow falling on his rosy cheeks, sticking in his fluffy blonde hair, Yoongi doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forget that moment.
The very first moment he realised he’ll never be alone in his life again.
And that truly is the best Christmas present he could've ever hoped for.
***
(“I still don’t get it, though… When I asked Tae about a blonde guy, he said that it couldn’t have been you…”
“Because I dyed my hair yesterday, and that stupid smurf always takes a full week to get used to my new hair. Every time it’s the same, ugh!”
“Ah, don’t be too hard on him… In the end he still told you I came, right?”
Jimin snorts. “Yeah, sure! After I gave him food and drinks, after he ate half of his ramyeon, and after a good five minutes staring at me, wondering out loud what was different about me today… I don’t even know why I’m friend with him…”)