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Maggie was at her desk drowning in paperwork. She didn’t realize how far behind she was on it, until very recently when the Captain asked for some files on a case she worked months ago. And now she decided it was a great idea to get back on track. It’s not like she had better things to do anyway, especially on a Friday night.
“I can always ask Sanchez to get a drink”, she whispered sarcastically to herself, looking up to see the blonde cop working on the main floor. Sanchez has been asking her out since the breakup. “Nope, not a good idea” the detective looked back down to the file and her mind drifted off. She’s not Alex.
Maggie looked back up and noticed a lot of movement outside of her office and the television going off loudly. She suddenly felt her stomach knot, unsettling her. She got up from her chair and walked outside her office, looking at the screen. She felt a cold chill running down her spine, Supergirl was on live TV, unconscious and bloody. ALEX!
The detective hurried back inside and grabbed her phone, moving through her contacts rather quickly. Maggie found Alex’s number and tried calling her, going straight to voicemail.
“Damnit!”, she browsed the numbers again until she found J’onn’s number. He’ll probably give her an update. Maggie talked to him regularly just to ask how Alex was doing. Hearing a tone, she waited patiently for the Martian to pick up the phone.
“Maggie?”, his voice was desperate.
“J’onn! Please tell me, is Kara alright? How is Alex doing?”, Maggie asked desperately, her voice shaking with dread.
“Not well. She had to intubate Kara, who is still unconscious but stable. Alex locked herself in her office and for what we heard, she tore the place apart. She’s been in there for a while now. Now things are silent so we don’t know how she’s doing. I’m afraid to even go inside.”
“Do you have a spare key to her office?”, Maggie asked, holding tears at bay.
“I do”, J’onn answered hopelessly. “I’m really worried, Maggie. She looked really bad.”
Maggie closed her eyes, doing her best to control her emotions. “I’m heading over. Please, have that key handy. I’ll see if I can calm her down”
“Ok”, J’onn said, pausing for a minute, “I’ll be waiting downstairs”
“Ok”, the detective said ending the call, placing her phone in her back pocket. Closing her eyes, she let tears fall. This was too much. If Kara doesn’t make it, it would tear Alex apart. She needed to be strong for her. The emotions that were cruising through her veins were too powerful, she needed to calm down. She can’t go to Alex this way. The last time she saw the agent, the detective walked out of their apartment with a broken heart. Their. That’s in the past now, they weren’t together anymore. That wasn’t her life anymore. She needed to think about Alex, she needed to be strong for the woman she loved.
“That I still love”, Maggie whispered, gently whipping her tears away. For better or for worse, she will always be there for Alex. She needed to help the other woman through this, support her in any way possible, she needed to be there for her. Grabbing her keys, she made her way out of her office.
~*~*~*~*~
The detective was staring at Alex’s door, contemplating opening it or not. She could hear Alex sobbing uncontrollably and it was heartbreaking. As promised, J’onn waited for her downstairs to escort her to the agent’s office. The only two people out in the hallway were them, the rest of the personnel were at the command center. Maggie played with the key she was now holding, gathering courage from within to open the only obstacle separating her from Alex.
“J’onn, would you please leave me alone? I think it’s better for me to do this solo”, the detective said, sadly looking at the Martian.
J’onn gave a reassuring smile, “Of course. If you need me, just give me a call. Please, be gentle with her”.
“You know I will”, she said, watching him walk to the elevator. When the doors closed, she stared back at the door. The detective noticed how quiet it was all the sudden, unable to hear any movement or sound from within. She took a deep breath, quietly placing the key in the keyhole. Unlocking the door and slowly opening it, she quietly walked in looking around for Alex. What she saw broke her heart. The room was a mess, the agent sitting against the far wall with her eyes closed, not noticing the detective walking towards her.
Stopping a few feet away, Maggie decided to make her presence known, “Alex?”
The agent opened her eyes, surprised written all over her face. “Mags?”
The detective’s heart jumped a little, only Alex called her that. How she missed it. “How are you holding up?”
The agent looked down at her hands, lost in thought. “I tried to save her”
“And you did”, Maggie said taking a step closer, “She’s still alive because of you”
Alex looked up, tears running down her face. “What if she never wakes up?”
“You must believe that she will”, the detective crouched in front of the agent, “You are a great doctor. I know it must be hard because it’s your sister, but you must be confident in your abilities. I know I am, my arm can attest to that”
Alex smiled, tears still rolling down her face, “Those were the drugs talking”
“No, that was all you”, Maggie smiled, “You’re amazing, Alex. And you can cry all you want, grieve all you want, you’re allowed to. But you also need to be strong, for Kara’s sake. Your sister needs you. Besides, you’re the strongest person I know. We will get through this, I promise.”
Alex looked up, “Are you really here? Or am I just making you up?”
Maggie crawled the remaining distance towards the other woman, sitting next to her. She cautiously reached out for the agent’s hand, interlacing their fingers. “Do I feel made up to you?”
Alex look down at their hands, whispering “No”
The detective couldn’t stop looking at the other woman, noticing how beautiful she looked even in her darkest hours. She didn’t know how she survived all this time without Alex in her life. With her other hand, she gently whipped the agent’s tears. Alex looked up and stared at her eyes. Maggie’s desire to kiss her was overwhelming but now was not the time. Enjoying the comfortable silence they shared; Maggie lets go of Alex’s hand and moved her arm behind the agent, pulling her closer. Alex placed her head on the detective’s shoulder, closing her eyes.
“I missed you”, Alex whispered, tears soaking Maggie’s jacket.
“Me too”, that’s all the detective could say. She wouldn’t allow herself to say anything else, not fully trusting her emotions. Placing a kiss on Alex’s head, she pulled her even closer to her.
After a few minutes, Alex laid her head on Maggie’s lap. The detective lost in thought, stroked the agent’s hair gently while she slept. The day’s events took a toll on the other woman, exhausting her both physically and emotionally. But this right here was taking a heavy toll on Maggie. She wanted to be here with Alex, but it emotionally drained her. Having the agent like this, on her lap, felt so intimate. Unable to fully have her in her life the way she wanted was painful. But she would do anything for Alex, even break her heart even further.
Looking up, she noticed J’onn standing there in silence.
“Hey”, she whispered, not wanting to wake the other woman up.
“Kara’s awake and is asking for Alex”, he said softly.
Maggie nodded looking down at the agent. She softly stroked Alex’s cheek, waking her up. The other woman looked up and for a moment she had that stupid smile Maggie loved, then realization hit her and sadness overtook her features. “Kara is asking for you…and probably hungry”, Maggie whispered with half a smile, “You see? Everything is going to be fine”
Alex smiled, slowly moving away from the detective. Looking around she saw J’onn smiling at her. “I’ll be up in a minute”. The agent looks back at Maggie, hesitating to speak.
“You don’t have to say anything, I will always be here for you”, the detective whispered, smiling sadly. “Now go, before she decides to fly over here”
Alex nodded, standing up and rapidly walking out of the room. J’onn looked at Maggie, understanding written all over his face. “You still love her”
Maggie looked down at her hands, “I never stopped. Frankly, I will always love her, even if she isn’t a part of my life anymore”
“You two are idiots. I would never understand how two people who love each other as deep as you do, can be apart”, he said looking towards the door, “And I’m sure this was all her”
“It was her choice, I have to respect it”, Maggie said standing up, “I need to go, have paperwork to finish at the precinct”
J’onn looked back at her, “You should stay”
“No, I don’t know what would happen if I stay. I need to go. Let me know if there are any updates”
“Ok”, that’s all J’onn could say as Maggie walked out of the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~
At this point, Maggie couldn’t comprehend a single word she was reading. After leaving the DEO, she came straight to the office to continue working on her never-ending paperwork. It’s all she could do to keep her mind occupied. Looking up from her paperwork for the hundredth time, she looked at the clock and noticed it was past midnight. Taking a deep breath, she looked down at the file, placing a hand on her forehead.
“You should be home already”, Alex said from the doorway, startling the detective. Maggie looked up, surprised to see the agent. She didn’t hear her come in.
“How? What are you doing here?”, the detective said closing the file, doing her best to gain back her composure.
Alex looked down at her boots, “You left before I had the chance to properly thank you”. Looking up, she noticed Maggie was walking slowly towards her. “Mags”
The detective stopped a few feet away from the other woman, “You don’t have to thank me”
“Yes, I do. You didn’t have to come for me, but you did”, Alex said taking one step closer to Maggie, “And you shouldn’t have, I broke your heart and caused you terrible pain”
The detective got lost in Alex’s eyes for a moment, imagining what it would be like to just kiss her one more time. Just once. Slowly moving closer, she stopped herself right in front of the agent. “Yes, you did, Danvers. But that doesn’t mean that I love you any less because of it”
“Mags, there’s been one thing in my mind since you walked out of our apartment that day”, Alex said, staring down at Maggie’s lips.
“What is that?”
Slowly inching closer, Alex closed the remaining distance separating their lips. The kiss was slow and gentle. Maggie pulled the agent even closer, cupping her face with her hands. How Alex missed this, the feel of the detective in her arms, kissing her whenever she wanted. But now, she wasn’t hers anymore to kiss. She slowly broke the kiss, locking gazes with Maggie.
“I shouldn’t have done that, you aren’t mine to kiss anymore”, Alex whispered breaking their gazes, “I made sure of that”
Gently turning the agent’s face towards her with her hand, Maggie smiled sadly, “Just because we aren’t engaged anymore, doesn’t mean I stopped being yours”. The detective gently caressed her face, nervously biting her lip, “You ruined me, Danvers. I can’t bring myself to be with anyone else. But you, on the other hand, will find someone who will love you the way you deserve and give you everything you need”.
“I don’t want anyone else, Maggie. I want you”, those words sounded so familiar to the detective, maybe because she said something similar to the other woman that painful day not so long ago. She noticed Alex was holding her tears, she was hurting as much as she was.
“And I want you, Alex. But things aren’t that simple. You need to realize what exactly you really want and see if I can give that to you. Sometimes life is about getting what we need instead of what we want”
“I understand, I’m sorry I came”, Alex said letting Maggie go. Looking at the detective one last time, she turned around and started making her way out of the office.
“Alex, I do love you. I just want to make sure that this is what you really want and not just an impulse of the moment”, Maggie said taking a step forward but stopping herself. She didn’t want to let Alex go, but she was still hurting so much.
The agent turned around, her face full of hurt and regret. “You have never, and will never be just an impulse. I love you with all my heart, Maggie. You say that I will find someone else, someday. I know I won’t because I won’t be able to love them the same way I love you”. Taking a step closer to Maggie, she continued; “And that would be selfish. Maybe you don’t want kids, so what! You are the one that I’m madly in love with, not our hypothetical children. I regret letting you go so much, words can’t even begin to describe how much I regret it”
Maggie was in shock. The only thing she could do was stare at Alex.
“And last time, I let you go. I let you walk out the door of our apartment, that by the way, doesn’t feel like home since you left. I’m not doing that now, I will fight for you and be there for you, until the end of our existence if I need to. And yes, giving up on us, that’s my fault. But Maggie, never say that what I feel for you is just an impulse”, Tears were falling freely by now and Alex didn’t care anymore. She was exhausted of living without Maggie in her life. She needed her back.
The detective couldn’t take this any longer. Sending whatever restraints left straight to hell, she closed the distance, kissing the other woman passionately. She felt Alex encircling her arms around her waist, returning the kiss with equal passion. Maggie placed her hands on either side of Alex’s face, breaking their heated kiss. “Don’t make me regret this, Danvers”
Alex smiled, “I will do my best to never hurt you again. I won’t forgive myself if I do. And if I do, I can get you a puppy”
Maggie laughed, “Alex, at this rate we will be running an animal shelter”
The agent kissed the other woman softly, “That means we need to get a bigger place”
“Calm down, Alex. We need to fix our mess first, then we can think about getting bunk beds for the army of puppies you owe me”
“Ok”, the agent gently kissed her forehead, “But in all seriousness, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have stopped fighting for us. I was so stupid”
“No, Alex, you aren’t stupid. We will work this out. Together”, Maggie said, placing her head under the agent’s chin, enjoying being close to the other woman once again.
“Mags? And thank you for giving me back my reason to get up in the morning.”
“And what is that?”, the detective curiously asked.
“You”
~*~*~*~*~*~