Chapter Text
“Hi,” Matt says, weakly.
“Well, hey,” Jamie says.
He doesn’t sound mad because the world has gifted Matt with friends that are amazingly capable of putting up with his bullshit.
“I brought you cookies,” Matt says, passing him a few cookies wrapped up in napkins from the dining hall, “because I. . .don’t actually know how to apologize for what happened.”
“Yeah, I don’t think they make cards for abandoned a guy mid-blowjob and never called ,” Jamie says, stepping aside so Matt can come in, “but these’ll do.”
They stand awkwardly for a long moment before Matt says, “I’m in love with my roommate.”
“. . .the guy who walked in on us?” Jamie asks.
“Yeah, him,” Matt says. “I’m. . . stupid in love with him and he didn’t know that I’m into guys because I told him I wasn’t into guys. Because I was. . .kind of trying not to be into guys for. . .awhile.”
“Wow,” Jamie says, softly. “You. . .weren’t very good at it, huh?”
Matt pauses before he laughs, surprised.
“Well, you didn’t exactly help,” he says.
“The implication that I’m so good at sex that I helped you stumble out of the closet is actually a better apology than these cookies,” Jamie says, opening the napkin and giving Matt one of them. “C’mon, sit down and tell me what happened after you ditched me.”
Matt tells him everything, stops near the end to say, “Hey, I’m sorry if you had. . .feelings for me or something.”
“Oh, no,” Jamie says, patting his knee. “I was definitely just using you for your body, dude.”
“Okay, good,” Matt says, grinning.
*
After they spend an entire weekend in bed together, confessing everything they’ve ever wanted and then doing most of it, Foggy says, with his mouth pressed to Matt’s temple, “We don’t have to tell anybody anything. I feel like you might start freaking out soon.”
“Maybe,” Matt admits, head resting on Foggy’s chest, running fingers up and down his side slowly.
He’s spent most of the year just dreaming of what Foggy would feel like and it’s even better than he imagined.
“I won’t be offended or anything,” Foggy says. “Just. . .like, I want to do this more and also as long as you’ll have me but whatever you’ve gotta do. . .do it.”
Matt smiles and leans up to kiss Foggy on the mouth.
“I have someone I need to talk to,” he says.
“Jesus?” Foggy asks.
“No,” Matt says, huffing out a laugh.
“Priest?”
“Emma,” Matt says. “She kind of walked me all the way here. I think she’d want to know I finally jumped.”
“She’s my hero,” Foggy says, “for so many reasons.”
“Me, too.”
They lie there for awhile before Foggy asks, “Wait, what happened to the guy I walked in on you with?”
“Oh, fuck ,” Matt says, sitting up. “Jamie.”
*
“. . .you’ve been getting laid,” Emmy says, a couple of minutes after she lets Matt into her dorm, hands on her hips.
“Don’t be jealous,” he says, smirking.
“Of them?” Emma asks, scoffing. “Of course not. But I’m a little jealous of you for that well-fucked glow you’ve got going on, Murdock.”
Matt climbs onto her bed and she follows, sitting close to him and obviously scrutinizing his face.
“Well?” she prompts.
“It’s Foggy,” he says, hiding his face in his hands when Emmy gasps dramatically. “Be cool about it.”
“Be cool about it?” she echoes. “Tell me everything immediately. Start with the good stuff. Anything with your pants off.”
“I told him I loved him,” Matt says, lifting his head slowly. “He said it back.”
“. . .oh my god, Matt,” Emma says, softly, sliding an arm around Matt’s waist. “Start there instead.”
*
Matt’s sure that he’ll always remember the first time Foggy kisses him but this is the first time Foggy kisses him, gently pins him up against their door and presses their bodies together and makes every doubt that Matt’s ever had about who he is feel distant and insignificant.
He breathes out Foggy’s name and Foggy murmurs, “I know,” cradling the back of Matt’s head and kissing him sweetly.
“God, I want you,” Matt says, between kisses, fingers clenching at Foggy’s waist to pull him even closer. “I’ve wanted you for so fucking long, Fog.”
“Well,” Foggy says, softly, “What are you gonna do now that you have me?”
Matt grins slowly and takes his hand to lead him to the bed, pushing him gently onto it and sinking to his knees in front of him.
“How about this?” he asks, as his fingers find the zipper of Foggy’s jeans.
“. . .I want to say something cool but all the blood just left my brain,” Foggy says, faintly, combing fingers through Matt’s hair when Matt laughs and rests his forehead on Foggy’s knees for a moment.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Matt says, devoutly, taking Foggy’s hand to press a kiss to it. “I just want to make you feel good.”
Foggy’s quiet for a moment before he says, “Fuck, I just nodded like an idiot. I’m in love with you. Please suck my dick now.”
“Can I fuck you after?” Matt asks, focused on unbuttoning Foggy’s jeans.
“. . .can you say that again?” Foggy asks, as Matt pulls down his zipper.
Matt raises his head and repeats, hesitantly, “Can I. . .fuck you after?”
“Absolutely,” Foggy says. “I just wanted to commit this moment to memory first.”
Matt pulls his jeans and underwear down at the same time, smiling when Foggy lifts up for him.
“I’ll give you something to remember,” he says, licking his lips.
*
“Hey, buddy,” Foggy says, following Matt out behind the dorm where he’s considering hiding in the bushes until he can right his head again. “You want me to leave you alone or you wanna talk?”
It’s dark outside and campus is quiet, like everybody stayed in, probably to do what he wants to do with Foggy right now.
“. . .I shouldn’t have tried to hold your hand,” Foggy says, when Matt doesn’t say anything, still giving him space. “I just got used to doing it when we’re alone and I’m kinda drunk. . .”
“No, don’t apologize,” Matt says, moving forward to take Foggy’s face in his hands and kiss him softly. “I should be able to. . . give you that. I want to.”
“I told you I’d wait,” Foggy says. “I sleep around enough that I didn’t really have to come out. You just had one very discreet guy, right?”
“Two,” Matt says, making a face at him.
“ Two ?” Foggy asks, laughing. “You slut. Who else?”
“You know that guy I kissed during truth or dare?” Matt asks.
“. . .Sam!” Foggy says, gasping. “He’s hot. Did you hook up after that?”
“No, he was the third part of the threesome,” Matt says. “Friends with Emmy.”
“. . .oh my god, it wasn’t two girls,” Foggy breathes. “My fantasies were all wrong.”
“Your fantasies?” Matt asks, swaying in closer, taking Foggy’s hand.
“I should probably be embarrassed to admit that I jerked off while thinking about what you’d be like in a threesome,” Foggy says, squeezing his hand, “but I think we’re past that.”
Matt laughs and pulls him in to kiss him again, lingering close.
“I don’t know why I care what people think,” he says, arms wrapped around Foggy, who kisses him on the corner of his mouth before he rests their foreheads together.
“We’ve all got our shit,” Foggy says. “Is yours. . .maybe biblical?”
“Somewhat, I guess,” Matt says, sighing. “I don’t think it’s wrong like I did when I was a kid but. . .it’s like it’s stuck in my head. There’s other shit, too, but. . .this is so stupid but it’s like my heart wants everybody in the world to know that you’re mine and my brain wants me to shut up so nobody finds out what I. . .what I am. ”
“Okay, I’m hugging you,” Foggy says, immediately, holding him close and tight.
“Thanks,” Matt says, laughing wetly and holding on.
This would be easier if he wasn’t drunk, probably. He gets disturbingly vulnerable, especially around Foggy.
“I like being yours,” Foggy says, softly.
“I like it, too,” Matt murmurs, hiding a smile in his shoulder.
*
It’s been a few months and Matt’s still not there but it barely matters when they’re around other people. They’ve always been close, maybe abnormally so, so nobody even notices when they sit close and share a drink and basically cuddle. Except for Emma, who finds them sitting on a random person’s futon at a floor party and says, “Hello, boys,” warmly when she drops down to sit next to Matt.
“Emmaline,” Matt says, raising his eyebrows at her.
“Oh, I’m supposed to behave,” she says, snuggling in closer to murmur in his ear, “You look adorable together. Still taking it slow?”
“Not slow,” he whispers back. “Just. . .quiet.”
“I’d love to know what not slow means.”
“This whispering going on is terrifying,” Foggy says, turning toward them. “What are you planning, threesome girl?”
“Is that my nickname?” she asks, laughing. “I love it.”
“It’s just the most significant thing I know about you,” Foggy says. “Well, that and I have you to thank for. . .this.”
He nudges Matt gently and Matt smiles at his lap.
“I helped a little,” she says, “but the two of you are putting in the real work.”
She slips an arm around Matt who turns instinctively to hug her back.
“I have a friend to meet,” she says, getting up. “Let me know if you guys want to help me earn that nickname anytime soon.”
“. . .what do you think about that?” Matt asks, a few moments later, and Foggy laughs.
“I’m thinkin’ about it,” he says, taking Matt’s hand.
Matt’s breath catches but it’s so nice that he tries not to think about it. It’s working until he hears someone on the other side of the room whispering about them and then his chest starts to feel kind of tight and his heart races and he can’t stop himself from pulling his hand away.
“Oh, shit,” Foggy says, softly. “Sorry.”
“No, It’s okay,” Matt says, shakily. “I just. . .I need some air.”
*
“I want to call him my boyfriend,” Matt says, pacing from one end of Emma’s room to the other. “I want to tell people, I want to. . .I want to put it on a fucking billboard. Why can’t I just. . . do it ?”
“Billboards are cost prohibitive,” Jamie says.
“You’re also bad at feelings,” Emma says, “which is fair because, from what I can tell, you haven’t had a lot of opportunities to be good at them.”
“Right,” Jamie says, nodding. “You’re unpracticed in, like, letting yourself have things you want for what appear to be many reasons.”
“. . .are you both psych majors and I didn’t know it?” Matt asks, stopping in front of where they’re sitting on Emmy’s bed and frowning.
“You assembled a coalition of people you used to fuck to solve this problem, honey,” Emma says, laughing. “Add in the Catholicism and the repression and. . .I don’t think you need a psych major to recognize the major issues at play here.”
“Right,” Matt says, sighing.
“Foggy sounds like a good dude,” Jamie says, reaching out to take Matt’s wrist and pull him gently onto the bed to sit between them. “If he’s not rushing you, why not just take your time?”
“I don’t want him to think that I’m ashamed of him,” Matt says.
“Are you ashamed?” Jamie asks.
“Not of him,” Matt says. “It’s me.”
“What happens if you go out there and kiss your boyfriend in the middle of campus?” Emma asks, rubbing his shoulder. “What happens if people know that you’re not straight?”
“It’s not going to get back to the nuns,” Jamie says, leaning against his other side. “I don’t think anybody is reporting back to your specific nuns, at least.”
Matt laughs, pushing his glasses up to cover his face with his hands, rubbing at his eyes.
“People will talk,” he says, shrugging.
“Yeah, about how jealous they are,” Emma says. “Your boyfriend’s a catch.”
Matt grins at her.
“Yeah, he is,” he says.
“Then go show him off,” Jamie says. “If anybody gives you shit, tell them that Emma will beat them up. I’ve known her two hours and I already know she’s up for and capable of it.”
“Absolutely,” Emma says, happily. “Just say the word.”
*
“I know I can’t kiss you right now,” Foggy says, in line at the dining hall one day, leaning in close to Matt’s ear, “but it’s all I can think about.”
“Yeah?” Matt asks, smiling.
“I mean, it’s one of the things I’m thinking about,” Foggy says, a little louder, giving them an inch or two so they’re not quite as pressed together. “I’m also very excited for whatever the lunch special is today. I skipped breakfast.”
“We had a different kind of breakfast,” Matt says.
They pushed their beds together for awhile but they kept sliding apart so they’ve been sleeping in whichever one has the cleanest sheets between laundry days, tangled and on top of each other in a way that becomes comfortable because it’s what they have. Because it’s them.
This morning, Matt kissed Foggy awake and they got each off lazily and barely made it to their classes on time.
“My favorite kind,” Foggy says, leaning into him again, quiet before he asks, so softly that Matt almost misses it and nobody else could possibly hear, “Hey, Matty, are you my boyfriend?”
“Oh,” Matt says.
“You don’t have to answer that,” Foggy says, immediately. “I shouldn’t have asked while we’re here, I was just--”
“It’s okay,” Matt says.
“I was just thinking about it,” Foggy finishes. “You don’t have to answer yet. We’re actually holding up the line.”
“Okay,” Matt says, smiling even though he feels shaky, letting Foggy lead him forward.
*
Matt spends the next day agonizing about when he’s going to finally do it, where the perfect place will be for him to show everyone that he’s completely head over heels in love with Foggy, when Foggy says something sweet when they’re walking back to the dorm from the last class they share and Matt just tugs on his arm to stop him and kisses him in the middle of the sidewalk.
“Wow,” Foggy breathes, when Matt lets go of him.
“Was that okay?” Matt asks, feeling insane and happy and like he wants to stop everyone brushing past them to introduce them to his boyfriend.
“Of course ,” Foggy says, taking Matt’s arm to pull him into the grass before kissing him again, gently, fingers running through Matt’s hair.
People are definitely talking about them as they pass but, when he takes a breath and lets it out, everything but Foggy fades away.