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It’s nearly midnight when Merlin finds him in the tailor shop, newly rebuilt as it is. There are no boxes standing around anymore because of course everything has to be impeccable at Kingsman, but people, unfortunately, are more complicated than buildings. People also steal his favourite Scotch, apparently, but given the circumstances that’s something he can forgive, just this once.
“Share with me?” Merlin doesn’t wait for an answer – it’s his Scotch, after all – and gets himself a glass, sitting down next to Harry on the sofa and watching as he fills the glass. Harry’s hair is in disarray, like he’s been combing through it with his fingers. Merlin has known him for decades and knows that if Harry is deep enough in thought to forget his vanity, things are dire. “Your thoughts too, if you feel like it,” he says and meets Harry’s eyes without wavering. He can feel Harry’s sigh in his bones.
“We have the shambles of an intelligence agency, our agents are dead or, in one case, otherwise occupied, and I’m having an identity crisis. You don’t need me to share my thoughts.” Harry, because he’s a drama queen at heart, ends his words with a decisive swig of Scotch. Merlin just raises an eyebrow.
“Well. I did always wonder when your mid-life crisis would be due,” he says drily and looks at Harry as he drinks. The agency is in shambles indeed, and there will be time to mourn the dead, but when Harry gets like this it’s something different. Not anything more or less important, just different, because he gets that look in his eyes like he’s all alone in the world.
“You’re not, Harry. Alone, I mean.” He knows Harry is thinking about Eggsy, and he can understand the sentiment, he really can, only he got used to it a long time ago. For Harry, though, it could well be the first time. They’ve never talked about these kind of feelings, not while sober anyway, and it seems tonight isn’t going to change that tradition. The look Harry gives him expresses more scepticism than words ever could, and Merlin sighs. “This may surprise you, but contrary to popular belief I do have some experience with feelings.” He’s also not nearly drunk enough for this, so he pours himself another glass.
Harry says nothing, but he turns his head away. When they do have their talks, which is seldom enough, it’s easier to not have to look at each other. Merlin agrees, which is why he decides to stare at the wall behind Harry’s head. “I heard what you said to Eggsy, about never having been in love.”
Harry just hums, but Merlin keeps soldiering on. “And you’re full of shit, frankly,” he says, which earns him a dubious look that makes him sit up straighter and lean towards Harry. “You’ve never been in love, so what? Did you doubt your quality of life because of that before Eggsy’s relationship came up? No! You did your thing, spying, butterflies, being a pretentious vain prick all over Headquarters and not having a fucking care in the world!”
Silence, but only briefly. “I suppose you have a point,” Harry grudgingly admits, still glancing out of the window. He sighs. “The world is changing. Ours as much as anyone else’s.” Merlin guesses this is code for ‘Eggsy is married and now I feel lonely because I won’t be as much part of his life as I used to be’. He wishes he could assure Harry, could tell him that nothing would change, but he knows from painful personal experience that people tend to put their romantic partners first. However…
“There’s one thing that won’t change,” Merlin says, and this time around he does look at Harry. His eyes are met, rather unexpectedly, and Harry looks at him with an expression of mild expectation. “You have me.”
Harry huffs a soft laugh, quite against his will, and asks: “You’re not planning on getting married anytime soon?”
Merlin just snorts. “Have you met me? Come on.”
They look at each other and a silent intimacy settles between them, an understanding that this, at least, whatever it may be, is something they can rely on. And if Harry finds an educational article about aromanticism in his emails the next day, well. The world is changing. And sometimes the most unexpected things turn out to be invaluable.