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~*~
You Have Me
Part One
Nurjima, Year 183
“This stew is good, even if I’m not sure what the meat is,” Karnek remarked.
Alidas tore a small piece off his hard roll and soaked up the last bits of stew in his bowl. Karnek was right – the stew was delicious, or maybe Alidas had just been hungry. He licked the side of his index finger where a stray drop had dripped from the bread. Karnek watched him closely, a different kind of hunger in his eyes.
“Um…now that I’ve completed my assignment successfully, do you think…that is…um, could you, I mean, could we…” Karnek’s words trailed off, an attractive blush coloring his high cheekbones.
As embarrassed as Karnek seemed to be, he held Alidas’ gaze. Alidas had to respect the boy for that.
The Ganal Pesha was known more for its drinks and bawdy stage show than for dinner. It was one of several taverns in the west bank slum district of Nurjima where Bousim Captain Alidas met with his informants and agents. Tonight, it was more crowded than normal. Most of the taverns, whorehouses, and stage shows would be doing a brisk business with the start of the annual Gaunsho’im Council.
The seven Gaunsho’im Palaces were fully occupied, along with Jathi’bay’s Glass Palace. And where the Gaunsho’im went, thieves, pickpockets, assassins, and whores all followed.
Alidas’ task of keeping the peace in the Bousim district was never easy, but during the Gaunsho’im Council, it would be impossible without his network of spies and informants. Although only twenty-six, Karnek had done an admirable job in finding out who was behind the kidnap plot against the youngest son of Gaunsho Lisam. As a result, not only had the kidnappers been apprehended, Gaunsho Lisam was now in Alidas’ debt. That debt would definitely be useful one day.
Karnek was a beautiful man. Alidas was tempted – very tempted – to take him up on what was so obviously being offered. It had been several months since he’d slept with anyone. The eighteen year age difference wasn’t what caused him to hold back. No, it was that look in Karnek’s eyes, the one that said this encounter, for Karnek, would be more than a simple roll in the hay. It wasn’t as if Alidas were thinking of Karnek’s feelings, either. It was that Alidas knew from past experiences how quickly things could become complicated. He simply had no time to deal with a potentially messy personal situation during the Gaunsho’im Council.
“Let’s have another glass of wine,” Alidas suggested. It was one way to stall for time.
“I’ve already had four. I’m not sure if you’re trying to get me drunk so that you can take advantage of me, or so that you can avoid taking advantage of me.”
Alidas sighed. “You know I’m attracted to you, and I like you, too. You’re smart, a quick thinker in a tight spot, willing to put your life on the line for this job. But you know in our line of work, relationships aren’t possible, especially between men. Twenty-five years may have passed since the fall of the Payshmura church, but men who have sex with other men are still considered perverted.”
Karnek grimaced at the use of the word perverted.
“I don’t mean to say that’s how I think of you,” Alidas quickly added. “It’s just that anything more than a casual night together opens us both up to blackmail, were we to be discovered; the more times we’re together, the greater the risk of discovery.”
A serving woman had worked her way over to their table and poured them more wine. Once she had gone, Karnek said, “Well, you can’t blame me for trying. You know I would never do anything which would compromise our work.”
Alidas took a sip of his wine. He was disappointed, in a way, that Karnek had been so easily deterred, but knew it was for the best.
They were sitting at a table with a clear view of the door but far enough away that they avoided feeling the biting cold air that gusted inside the tavern each time someone entered or left. Nevertheless, as the door opened and a man in rags came in, a chill moved up Alidas’ spine. He glanced at the vagrant and determined he was no threat. He watched as the vagrant collapsed onto a chair at an empty table on the far side of the room, resting his head on his left hand, closing his eyes as if he were about to fall asleep.
Alidas had a clear view of the man’s face then. Years of practice in maintaining control over his reactions was the only thing that kept him from gasping out loud. Still, his body tensed, his heart racing. It wasn’t possible – it couldn’t be…
“Alidas…what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Alidas? Is everything all right?”
It was a moment before Alidas realized Karnek was talking to him. He turned to Karnek, who was now looking at the man Alidas had been staring at.
“Is that someone you know?” Karnek asked.
Alidas’ eyes narrowed, trying to see better through the haze of the tavern that now clouded his view. “I thought I did, but it couldn’t possibly be the same man. The man I knew would be close to fifty – that man is barely thirty. And anyway,” he paused, taking a deep breath, trying to hold back sadness and regret that he’d thought he’d long forgotten, “the man I knew died in the fall of Umbhra’ibaye.”
Karnek didn’t ask anything more. They sat in silence, drinking their wine.
Alidas had always wondered what had happened to Ravishan and Jahn to cause them to betray the church, why Jahn had killed Ushman Dayyid, how they’d become members of the Fai’daum. So many had died that day, the day the Payshmura had released the Rifter to fight the Fai’daum. Who could have foretold that the Rifter would end up destroying the very church which he was supposed to protect? Umbhra’ibaye and the Black Tower had been consumed in an instant, Rathal’pesha and Amura’taye had taken longer – an entire day. Ravishan, Jahn, Pivan, Wah’roa – so many others he’d come to know and care for, lay dead in the ruins.
Maybe his reluctance to take Karnek into his bed had less to do with potential blackmail than with the potential of losing someone else whom he cared about.
“You thief! You think you can steal from me?”
Alidas was startled out of his thoughts. A large, bearded man had begun shouting at a smaller man sitting next to him. The bearded man punched him, and when the smaller man fell to the ground, the bearded man began kicking him viciously.
“I’ll kill you, you light-fingered fucker!” the bearded man shouted in between kicks. The man on the ground curled up into a ball, his hands covering his head, trying to protect himself from the blows.
Karnek jumped to his feet; Alidas stood more slowly, the stiffness in his right leg hampering his movement. Before they could work their way through the crowd to intervene, the vagrant was there, grabbing the bearded man by the shoulder.
“Stop it!” the vagrant yelled.
“Go to hell!” the bearded man yelled back. He turned, swinging his fist, ready to punch the vagrant. The vagrant was quick, though, ducking the punch and landing a punch of his own. Blood burst from the bearded man’s nose and he staggered back in surprise, then he threw himself on the vagrant, taking them both to the ground. “No man alive fucks with me, boy.” He wrapped his huge hands around the vagrant’s throat and squeezed tight. The vagrant struggled to get free, but didn’t have the strength.
Alidas shoved forward, trying to get through the throng of people who just stood there, watching the two men. He picked up a chair, ready to smash it over the back of the bearded man.
What he witnessed next was something he hadn’t seen done in twenty-five years. The vagrant used his left hand as if it were a knife. He pushed it into the body of the bearded man, then moved it upward, slicing a line open along his chest. Blood gushed from the wound. The bearded man’s eyes went wide in shock and disbelief, then he collapsed onto the vagrant.
Alidas dropped the chair. Karnek pulled the dead man off of the vagrant. The vagrant was unmoving, his eyes open but unfocused. He looked up at Alidas but didn’t seem to see him. With some difficulty, Alidas knelt down and touched the vagrant lightly on the shoulder. “It’s going to be all right,” he whispered. The vagrant closed his eyes, falling into unconsciousness.
“Is he dead?” Karnek asked.
“No, just passed out, but he seems to have other injuries, ones not caused by this fight.”
Alidas carefully pulled the vagrant’s coat off, grimacing when he saw the bloody mess of the man’s right arm and shoulder. He turned to Karnek. “We need a healer. Tor’th is on call at the barracks. Flag down the patrol – Mabry and Bry’nt are riding this section tonight. Send one to fetch Tor’th and have the other go find the undertaker to come get the body.”
Karnek left quickly. The tavern had begun to empty out. No one wanted to be present when the questioning began.
“Captain Alidas, you aren’t going to have to shut me down, are you?”
It was Vendranas, the owner of the Ganal Pesha, asking the question. He was a good man, passing on bits and pieces of information he overheard in the course of his daily business. There was no reason to close the tavern for an investigation. Alidas had witnessed the bearded man attacking the two other men; the vagrant had simply acted in self-defense.
The fact that the vagrant opened and used the Gray Space like a formally trained Ushiri was another matter.
“No, you shouldn’t have to close. As soon as the body is taken away and this blood cleaned up, you can start serving again.”
Vendranas looked relieved. “Hey, Dyna!” he shouted at one of the serving girls. “Get Elise and start cleaning up this mess.”
Alidas sat back to wait, not caring how dirty the floor was. The stiffness in his right leg made it difficult for him to kneel for very long, all the weight of his body having to be placed on his left knee. He’d be more comfortable sitting on one of the chairs, but he wasn’t going to leave the vagrant’s side until Tor’th arrived.
He touched the vagrant lightly on the forehead, brushing back a strand of hair. He remembered Ravishan telling him about the injuries the Ushiri candidates received in their training, when they traveled through the Gray Space, internal damage to vital organs that couldn’t be seen and went untreated until it was too late. If this man traveled through the Gray Space, he could be hurt in more places than just his arm and shoulder.
The man looked so much like Ravishan. It was difficult to believe that he wasn’t. Could he be a relative, a son, perhaps? It was possible, but not probable. It had been obvious to him on their journey from Rathal’pesha to Nurjima that Ravishan and Jahn cared deeply for each other, beyond what was normal for an attendant and Kahlil. They’d tried to hide it from him, but Alidas knew the signs from his own personal experience: the hidden touches under the table, the furtive sideways glances when they thought no one was looking… He’d been so jealous at the time, envying them for having something he so badly wanted and would never have, thanks to the Fai’daum. How different would his life be now if it had been him instead of Jahn to accompany Fikiri up the Thousand Steps to Rathal’pesha? Would he have been the one making the pilgrimage with Ravishan instead of Jahn? Would he have been the recipient of those sideways glances, the warm hand on a knee?
“Captain Alidas. I got here as fast as I could. Where are you hurt?”
Tor’th came rushing to his side, Karnek and Mabry close behind. Alidas held his hand out to Mabry who immediately grasped it and helped him to his feet.
“I’m not the one injured. It’s this man here,” he said, indicating the vagrant.
Tor’th knelt down by the vagrant’s side and unbuttoned the man’s shirt, pushing it open. He looked over the shoulder injury and the deep cut along the forearm. He ran his hands over the vagrant’s upper body, starting at his neck, moving down his breastbone, and then along his rib cage. When he finished, he stood, frowning at Alidas.
“He’s in bad shape. It’s as if he’s been tortured. He’s got broken ribs and cuts all over his body. Several are very deep while others are just scratches. His shoulder injury looks like it was done by a dog. He’s lost a good deal of blood, and he’s hot, probably fighting infection. His body is strong, though. These kinds of injuries would have killed most men by now. He must be important to you or you wouldn’t have sent for me, so I suggest we get him back to the barracks where I can clean and treat his wounds properly. I brought a cart and some blankets. We can transport him in it, but it will be a bumpy ride and that’s not good for his injuries. Someone needs to ride with him and hold him to keep him still.”
“I can ride with him,” Karnek said.
“I’ll ride with him,” Alidas said firmly. “He’s my responsibility now.”
“It might be hard on your leg,” Tor’th stated.
“I’ll be fine, but Mabry, if you could carry him out to the cart for me…” He didn’t have to say anything more. As capable as Alidas was, bending down to pick the vagrant up wasn’t something he’d be able to do easily.
~*~
The man was still unconscious. He’d been in this state for almost a week. Most of the time he’d just lie there as if in a deep sleep. Then he’d start thrashing around, calling out in a strange language. Tears would stream down his face. Alidas would sit next to him on the bed and take him into his arms, talking to him gently as if consoling a child, reassuring him that he was safe.
“Physically, he’s healing quite well,” Tor’th said. “He should be awake by now, but he’s suffered some sort of trauma which has affected him deeply. He’s lost the will to live. If he’s to have any hope of recovery, you need to give him a reason to want to wake up.”
“How am I supposed to do that?” Alidas asked.
“You don’t pick up strays, Captain. There must have been a reason you brought this one back. Focus on that. Talk to him; comfort him the way you have been. I assume you want him to work for you in some capacity – tell him how he can be of use to you. Show him he still has a purpose in this life.”
Tor’th put a hand on Alidas' shoulder. “You’re a good leader. You know instinctively how to inspire your men to follow you. You’ll know what to do to get this one to follow you, too.”
After Tor’th left, Alidas pulled a chair over to the side of the stranger’s bed. He didn’t sit down in chairs often since his knee made it difficult for him to stand up without looking like a fool, but he expected to be here for some time. He reached over and took the man’s hand in his. It felt awkward, talking to an unconscious man, but it was all that he could think of to do at the moment.
“I’m not sure where you learned to do it, but I recognized it when you opened the Gray Space. No one knows how to do that anymore. When the Payshmura church was destroyed, so was all knowledge of how to use the Gray Space.
“I almost became a Payshmura priest. I was supposed to be the attendant of an Ushiri candidate – Fikiri Bousim. But on the way to Amura'taye, our caravan was attacked. My right leg was injured and I wasn’t able to climb the Thousand Steps to Rathal’pesha. It was months before I could even get out of bed. I wanted to give up. I had nothing to live for. I wished I would have died in the attack. Everything I’d trained for, my entire future, had been stolen from me.”
Alidas had to take a deep breath. He realized he was squeezing the stranger’s hand too tightly and lightened his grip.
“I’ve never spoken of this to anyone. I’m ashamed of what I wanted to do, but I was in pain, both my body and my soul. I thought myself weak, unable to fulfill my duty as a rashan. One night, I went to my room. I had a knife. Just as I put the blade to my wrist, there was a knock on my door. I hid the knife under my pillow and went to see who it was.
“It was Bher, one of Lady Bousim’s house guests. He, his wife Loshai, and his brother-in-law, Jahn, had come to Amura’taye so that Jahn could ask the priests at Rathal’pesha to pray for Behr’s health. Behr had a problem with his lungs, you see, and found it difficult to breathe properly. The three of them had been living out on the wastes for almost a year as they made their way to the city. Jahn had been the one to warn our caravan that the Fai’daum planned to attack. Because Jahn had saved the life of Lady Bousim and her son, Fikiri, Lady Bousim had welcomed the three of them into her household.
“Behr picked that night, of all nights, to come to me and ask if I could teach him to play the cittern. Rashan Pivan had told him I knew how to play. Behr said he couldn’t do any strenuous work because of his bad lungs, and he was bored, having nothing to do all day. I used to play several musical instruments as a child growing up in the south. Before I knew what I was doing, I agreed to teach him. He’d looked so happy. We made plans to meet the next morning and he left.
“I went back to get the knife from under my pillow, but I no longer wanted to die. I kept seeing Behr’s smile in my mind and I couldn’t stand the thought of him waiting for me and me not showing up because I’d killed myself. Teaching Behr to play the cittern gave me something to look forward to. It was a small thing, but it changed my entire outlook.
“I will always have a limp when I walk, but my knee is just one part of my body. I am still able to ride, to fight, to do my duty to the Bousim household. I don’t know what happened to you to cause you to want to give up on life, but, as you can see, I do understand how you feel.”
Alidas felt the man’s hand twitch. At first he thought the man’s breathing had quickened, but when the man remained motionless, he knew it must have been his imagination. Still, he didn’t have anything else to do, so he continued speaking.
“The work I do now is complicated. On the surface, I keep the peace in the Bousim sector of the city. When someone breaks the law, he’s arrested and brought to justice. However, my hands are tied by the law I’m bound to uphold. If I can’t find a man to arrest him, or I don’t have evidence to prove he’s committed a crime, even though I know he’s guilty, justice goes unserved. When that happens, well…” He paused, wondering how best to phrase it. “I have agents and spies who can do what I legally cannot.
“Even with my vast network, some men cannot be found. That is where I could use someone with your skills. Your ability to travel in the Gray Space allows you to go places and do things that a normal man can’t. I can sense that you’re troubled. I may not understand your words, but I do understand your tears. I don’t know what you’ve done in your past, and I don’t care. I can tell you’re a good man. You came to the aid of a stranger in the tavern when you were in no physical condition to fight. Yet fight you did, and you saved yourself by using the Gray Space just as you were about to die.
“Save yourself again, now. By working for me, you can find a new purpose, a way to redeem yourself from whatever sins you feel you have committed.”
Alidas let go of the man’s hand and sat back in his chair. He’d got caught up in his little speech and it had drained him. He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to massage out the stiffness that had set in.
“Please…don’t let go of my hand…”
Alidas started at the sound of a raspy voice. It was barely above a whisper, but in the stillness of the room it had sounded like a shout. The man held out his hand to Alidas. His eyes were open.
Alidas clasped his hand around the stranger’s. “I won’t let go. I’ll stay right here. You don’t have to worry about anything.”
A few stray tears rolled down the side of the man’s face. “I don’t deserve your kindness. I failed my duty. People are dead because of me.”
The man was having difficulty speaking, but whether it was from lack of using his voice or because he was upset by what he had to say, Alidas couldn’t tell.
“We don’t need to talk about it right now, or ever, unless you want to,” Alidas told him.
“I don’t deserve to live when everyone else is dead. I have nothing…no one…” He closed his eyes and turned his head away from Alidas.
Alidas cleared his throat. The man’s anguish tore at his heart. “It will be all right. I promise. And you are wrong about not having anyone. You have me.”
The man looked back quickly at Alidas. “Why? You don’t know anything about me. Why do you care?”
“Because I know what it’s like to not have anyone. I need a man like you, and I think you need me, too, even if you don’t know it yet. Right now, though, you should get some rest. Your injuries are healing well but you’re still very weak. I’m going to find the healer and have him check you over. You must be hungry, too. I’ll send for some broth. Does that sound good?”
The man nodded his head in acknowledgement, then closed his eyes once more.
Alidas let go of the man’s hand, then stood awkwardly from the chair and stretched. All his muscles were stiff, not just his right leg. He started toward the door to go find Tor’th but then stopped at the end of the bed.
“I should at least introduce myself. I’m Captain Alidas’ro’Bousim. Can you tell me who you are? You do not have to if you don’t wish to.”
The man didn’t answer. Alidas thought he must have fallen back asleep and turned to go.
“Kyle,” the man whispered. “My name is Kyle.”
“Thank you for telling me, Kyle. I’ll be back soon with the healer.”
Alidas smiled a rare smile as he walked out of the room. He’d done it.
Kyle was his.
~*~
By the time Alidas returned with a tray from the kitchen, Tor’th had finished with Kyle and was standing outside the room, waiting patiently.
“I think he’s going to be fine,” Tor’th told him. “He’s still weak, and his wounds will need to remain bandaged for at least another month, but his spirits seem much improved. You did good.”
“I hope it’s all right that I brought him some broth.”
“That’s fine. Keep him on clear liquids for the next few days, then add some mashed up vegetables with bread. You’ve been in the field enough times to know what a wounded man can eat. And make sure he gets plenty of water. I gave him a cup before I left, and told him he needed to drink it all. He should try to drink at least two cups an hour.”
Tor’th held open the door for Alidas. Kyle was sitting up, leaning against several pillows behind his back. He looked pale and thin, but his eyes were alert. He held a cup of water in his left hand and was taking a sip when Alidas entered. He walked over and set the tray down on the small table next to the bed.
“I brought some broth. Do you feel up to having some right now?” Alidas asked.
Kyle licked a drop of water from his lower lip. “I am a little hungry, but…” He looked down at his bandaged right arm. “I think I’m going to need some help with it.”
Alidas picked up the bowl and sat down on the bed, making sure not to jar Kyle’s right arm. He took a spoonful of the broth and brought it carefully to Kyle’s lips, doing his best not to spill any. Kyle opened his mouth and leaned forward, closing his lips around the spoon and drinking in the warm broth. As he swallowed, he let out a low moan. His eyes met Alidas’. They stared at each other for a long moment, then Kyle slowly opened his mouth and released the spoon, his face turning a light shade of pink. Alidas felt a rush of heat in his groin and sucked in his breath.
“I’m sorry,” Kyle said, breaking eye contact and looking down at his lap. “I didn’t mean it to sound so…well, you know. The broth just tasted good…I really am hungry, I guess. I can’t remember the last time I ate.”
Alidas cleared his throat. He needed to regain his composure. He felt like he had back with Ravishan when they’d been on the train to Nurjima. No doubt the fact that Kyle resembled Ravishan was why Alidas felt this way.
“It’s fine,” Alidas said, more to reassure himself than Kyle. “I’m not offended. I’m glad you like the broth. I won’t take your enjoyment of it personally. Now, ready for another spoonful?”
Kyle looked up at Alidas through long, thick lashes. His eyes were the same dark color that Ravishan’s had been. If Alidas didn’t know for a fact that Ravishan would be fifty now, if he were alive, Alidas would swear that Kyle and Ravishan were one and the same.
“I’m ready,” Kyle said.
Alidas realized he’d been sitting there with the spoon in his hand, just staring at Kyle. He filled the spoon with broth and fed Kyle another mouthful. He continued feeding Kyle until the entire bowl was empty.
He set the bowl down and filled Kyle’s cup with water from the pitcher on the side table. As Kyle took careful sips, Alidas said, “I’m not prying into your past, but if you can tell me, I’d like to know how you were injured. Tor’th, the healer, thought you might have been tortured. If someone is after you, I’ll do my best to protect you, but it would help to know the entire story.”
Kyle kept his gaze down, toying with the now empty cup in his hand. “I’m not sure what happened to me. I’ve lost my memory. I don’t know if it was caused by an injury to my head or by something…else. Flashes come back to me, but when I try and focus on them, they fade away. I remember Blackbird Bridge, the Seven Palaces, but…the Dark Tower. When I look for it, nothing’s there…”
Kyle stopped speaking. Alidas noticed a stray tear falling slowly down Kyle's face. Kyle reached his hand out toward Alidas to give him the water cup, then brushed the tear away with the back of his hand.
“Get some sleep, Kyle. You’ve had a long and stressful day. In the morning, we’ll see about moving you upstairs to the main barracks. My room is up there and it will be easier for me to take care of you and still do my daily patrol.”
Alidas helped Kyle lie back down, taking the pillows from behind him and flattening them out. He pulled the blanket up over Kyle’s shoulders. The room could get cold overnight and Tor’th hadn’t bothered to put clothes on Kyle after dressing his wounds, since it made changing the bandages every day easier to do. Alidas didn’t want to think too much about what Kyle looked like under that blanket; he’d seen the pale, naked skin with the shiny raised lines crisscrossing all parts of his body. He shuddered to think who or what could have done that to Kyle.
“Thank you, sir, for helping me.” Kyle smiled weakly.
“You can call me Alidas. Sleep well, Kyle. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Alidas put out the lamp and left the room.
~*~
Kyle had healed nicely. Tor’th removed the last of his bandages and examined his shoulder.
“You’ll have some scarring, but with daily physical therapy, you should regain full use of your arm. Other than that, you’re fit for duty.”
“Duty?” Kyle asked.
Tor’th looked at Kyle, then to Alidas. Alidas was standing off to the side, watching the examination and waiting for the verdict.
“I haven’t had a chance to speak to him yet,” Alidas said. “I wanted to wait until you pronounced him healthy enough to work.”
“I see,” Tor’th replied. “Well then, I’ll leave you two to talk.”
After Tor’th left, Alidas handed Kyle his shirt. “Let’s go to my room where we can speak privately.”
Kyle buttoned his shirt as they walked down the row of canvas panels. Behind each one, a rashan slept at night. It was mid-morning and the beds were now empty, the men all out on patrol.
Alidas beckoned Kyle to sit, and closed the door behind them. Kyle had never been in his room before. Alidas couldn’t help but wish they were alone together for a reason other than to discuss work.
“Kyle, now that you’re well, I was wondering if you have any plans for what you want to do.”
“No, not really. I’ve just been concentrating on getting through each day, one at a time.”
“Have any of your memories returned? Something that might tell you where you’re from, if you have any family or friends – or enemies – who might be looking for you?”
Kyle looked thoughtful, waiting a moment before answering. “I see things, sometimes. They seem like memories, but they’re things that I’m sure never happened to me. They must be dreams, but at times they feel so real.
“One in particular…” Kyle stopped and shifted in his chair, but still looked uncomfortable. “It’s my own death. It’s so clear to me, I can feel the pain, someone thrusting their hand into my chest, crushing my heart. I hear an anguished cry but it’s not me. I see a face staring down at me in horror, and I know who it is, but when I try and remember his face later, the memory leaves me. I always feel sick after I have this dream, so I try to not think about it anymore.
“Sometimes I hear voices, calling for help, screaming, and I know they’re dying because of something I did, or didn’t do…”
Kyle covered his face with his hands. Alidas waited. He hadn’t meant to upset Kyle, only wanting to find out if Kyle had remembered any family or friends. It would be better for the work Alidas wanted him to do if Kyle had no one looking for him.
Kyle took in a deep, shuddering breath, then put his hands back down in his lap. “Sorry about that. As you can see, trying to remember things seems to be an effort in futility. If I come across someone who remembers me, I’ll just have to deal with it when it happens.”
“Since you still don’t know where you came from and you haven’t made any plans for your future, I’d like you to work for me. We haven’t discussed it, but you have a skill which would be very helpful to what I do. I saw you use it that night in the tavern; you know how to use the Gray Space.”
Kyle’s eyes went wide. “You know about the Gray Space?”
“When I was younger, I received training at Vundomu, so I’m aware of how the Gray Space works, how some used to be able to travel through it.”
“You said we haven’t talked about it, but I remember…you told me about how you were going to be an attendant to an Ushiri candidate. I think you said his name was Fikiri Bousim…and your leg was hurt in an attack on the Bousim caravan on the way to Amura’taye.”
Alidas frowned. “I spoke to you at some length while you were unconscious. Tor’th thought it might help if I could give you an incentive to wake up. He was concerned you’d lost the will to live and that was why you remained unconscious. I didn’t think you’d remember anything of what I’d said, though.”
“I guess it’s only my older memories that are a problem. I don’t seem to have any trouble remembering things that have happened since I was at the tavern, including the things you told me while I was unconscious.” Kyle sat up straight. “You said you could use my ability to travel in the Gray Space, to do things your other agents couldn’t. I assume this also means killing? Assassinations? No one in your position can keep the peace without having to kill an enemy or two, am I right?”
Alidas’ eyes narrowed. “You do remember, then. Yes, it also means killing. Do you have a problem with that?”
“Not when it’s necessary.”
“Good. Then I already have a job for you. Are you interested?”
“For a chance to redeem myself for my sins? Yes, I’m very interested. Give me a name and I’ll give you a corpse.”
Alidas smiled. He’d been right to take a chance on saving Kyle in the tavern that day.
Now if only Alidas’ body would quit acting like it was seventeen and stop getting aroused every time Kyle was near him… He couldn’t afford to become physically or emotionally involved with one of his agents, especially not one as useful as Kyle was going to be.
~*~
Part Two
Nurjima, Year 185
Alidas hadn’t wanted to send Kyle on the assignment, stopping the assassination of Jath’ibaye, planned by Gaunsho Ourath Lisam. He knew Kyle would not return, either because he would be captured and killed or because he would be successful in thwarting the plot and have to leave in order to avoid the political fallout. The Bousim house could never acknowledge that Kyle was one of theirs; Kyle could no longer work as one of Alidas’ agents.
Alidas hadn’t had the strength to turn his back on Kyle, though. He’d given Kyle the key to his private room on Water Street. It was more of a symbolic gesture – they both knew that Kyle didn’t need a key in order to enter a room.
“If you don’t have anywhere else to go after you’re done with all of this, then we can meet there,” Alidas had told Kyle as they said their good-byes on the Blackbird Bridge.
As a rule, Alidas avoided any sexual or emotional involvement with his agents. He’d made Kyle aware of this from the start, and although they’d been successful in resisting their physical attraction to each other, the same could not be said for their emotions.
They didn’t speak of it, but Alidas recognized the soft look in Kyle’s eyes, the one that said he cared for Alidas as more than a friend. Alidas wondered if Kyle could see the same look in his own eyes.
But as much as he cared for Kyle, he had never allowed his feelings to interfere with his duty to the Bousim household.
Until today.
He’d known something was wrong yesterday when he’d returned from morning patrol to find Nanvess’ personal secretary sitting in his room. The man held an old pack in his lap. Alidas recognized it at once. It was Kyle’s. He hadn’t seen it since the night he’d rescued Kyle at the tavern.
“Captain Alidas, I’m looking for the owner of this pack. I was told he works for you.”
“He did, but he left last month.”
“Did he say where he was going?”
“No, and I didn’t ask. He’d outlived his usefulness to me, so I let him go.”
“It’s very important that you find him immediately. When you do, you are to kill him. Do I make myself clear?”
“Of course. As always, I am a loyal servant to the Bousim household.”
He’d gone to his rooms on Water Street last night and found Kyle’s report. It all made sense then. Nanvess was involved in the assassination plot against Jath’ibaye. Alidas was surprised to read about Fikiri; he’d known Fikiri had joined the Fai’daum around the same time Ravishan and Jahn had, but he’d thought Fikiri had died in the attack on Umbhra’ibaye. Where had Fikiri been all this time, and why did he want Kyle dead?
Alidas had gone at first light this morning to inform Gaunsho Bousim about Nanvess’ involvement in the plot. As expected, keeping peace within the Bousim household held more importance than avoiding a war.
“Find your man as Nanvess has ordered, and kill him,” Gaunsho Bousim stated.
Alidas had never gone against an order, but how could he kill Kyle?
He’d spent the morning trying to work out a solution. He needed Kyle to leave the city. He could report back that Kyle could not be found, but that he was still searching. After the Bell Dance, he doubted anyone would care about Kyle. If Jath’ibaye lived, who knew what he would do against those who had tried to kill him. If he died, there’d probably be another war with the Fai’daum. In any case, Gaunsho Bousim would be too busy to worry about one lone agent who couldn’t be found.
On his way to Water Street, Alidas stopped at the train station and bought a ticket to Ris’ela. He’d leave it on the desk and hope that Kyle would understand the message he was sending.
Although the noonday sun was bright, there was a chill in the air. It would probably snow tonight. He opened the front door and stood in the doorway, giving his eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness inside. He looked around and was startled to see Kyle lying in his bed. He hadn’t expected Kyle to be here again so soon after just being here yesterday.
Alidas felt his pulse quicken. Seeing Kyle in his bed gave him all sorts of inappropriate thoughts. He’d spent many sleepless nights imagining this exact situation, and now that it was happening, he was going to have to send Kyle away.
“It’s cold,” Alidas told him. “You should have started a fire.”
“I didn’t think I’d be here that long,” Kyle said, walking out into the main room. “I wanted to see if you got my note.”
“I got it last night. One of Nanvess’ men came to the barracks asking about you yesterday.”
“Nanvess wants me dead.”
“Yes, I know.” Alidas gave him a hard look. “I have a train ticket to Ris’ela. I know you don’t know anyone there, or at least you don’t remember if you do, but you can get a fresh start, away from all the political mess here.”
“You want me to just leave?” Kyle sounded hurt by the suggestion. “What about the Bell Dance, the assassination plot?”
The last thing Alidas wanted was for Kyle to leave, but he couldn’t tell him that; Kyle would never go otherwise.
“Nanvess’ involvement complicates things. The assassination plot is bad, but division inside the Bousim house is worse. In any event, it’s no longer your concern. You need to leave, now.”
The lost look on Kyle’s face was tearing him apart. He wanted to take Kyle in his arms, the way he had during that first week when Kyle had been so injured, to tell him everything was going to be fine. Instead, he reached out and brushed a strand of hair back from Kyle’s face. Kyle’s mouth opened in shock.
“You should have your own life,” Alidas said. “For the last two years, all you’ve had is the work you do for me. You’ve had no friends, no family. No one.”
“I had you. I didn’t need anyone else – I didn’t want anyone else. When you found me, you didn’t know anything about me but still, you saved my life.”
This was not going the way Alidas had hoped. He’d underestimated the depth of Kyle’s feelings – and his stubbornness! If he was going to convince Kyle to leave, he was going to have to make Kyle think he didn’t care.
“I saved you because I knew I could use you. I never made a secret of it. I wanted to use your ability to move through the Gray Space to bring down my enemies. I didn’t save you out of kindness; I wanted to control your skills.”
“And now that you’ve had them, you want me to just leave, to go to Ris’ela?”
“You have to go. If you don’t…” Alidas couldn’t meet Kyle’s eyes. “I have orders to kill you. That’s why I bought the ticket. I was going to leave it here and hope that you’d understand what it meant.”
“Would you really kill me if I don’t go?” Kyle asked, a slight tremble in his voice.
“I’ve never disobeyed an order. I’m disobeying one right now because it’s my fault you’re in this position. Now that you’ve been warned, if I see you again, I’ll have no choice. I will kill you.”
Kyle looked betrayed at first, then angry. “I understand. You should probably have your key back.”
There was a coldness in Kyle’s tone that made Alidas sad. As soon as he’d said the words, ‘I will kill you’, he knew he’d never be able to do it. He had to make Kyle think he could, though.
Kyle lifted the chain from around his neck and undid the clasp, sliding the key off. He grasped it tightly in his hand. Alidas reached out, his palm turned upward, waiting for the key.
With blazing speed, Kyle grabbed Alidas by the wrist and yanked him forward. Alidas hadn’t been expecting it and he stumbled, his right leg going out from under him. He didn’t fall, though. Kyle wrapped an arm around his waist, holding him up. With his other hand, he grabbed a fistful of Alidas’ hair, pulling his head back and exposing his throat.
Alidas had never been afraid of Kyle until now. He’d been foolish in making any kind of threat against Kyle’s life. He knew what Kyle could do. In the blink of an eye, he could open a razor sharp edge of the Gray Space and slice right across Alidas’ throat.
Alidas swallowed hard. “Go on. Do it. Kill me. We both know I can’t stop you. Just make it quick. I don’t want to suffer.”
Anger blazed in Kyle’s eyes. His hold on Alidas tightened. Alidas’ breath hitched when he felt something warm and wet press against his throat. He waited for the searing pain, but it didn’t come. It took a moment for his brain to catch up with what was happening. Kyle wasn’t cutting his throat – he was kissing it.
Alidas let out a soft moan as Kyle continued to bite and lick. Hard wood made contact with his back as Kyle pushed him against the wall. There was a crash and sound of broken glass as a picture fell.
The kiss was tentative at first, but when Alidas didn’t fight back, it became more demanding. Kyle bit lightly on Alidas’ bottom lip until he opened his mouth, accepting Kyle’s tongue inside. With his free hand, Alidas reached around Kyle and pulled him closer. Kyle roughly thrust a thigh between Alidas’ legs, the pressure against Alidas’ cock causing it to harden.
When Kyle broke the kiss, they were both flushed and breathing hard.
“You can’t just send me away as if I mean nothing at all to you,” Kyle said, keeping his hold on Alidas.
There was no point in trying to hide the truth any longer. It was obvious to Kyle how Alidas felt about him – his reaction to the kiss had proven that. “The last thing I want is for you to leave. I wouldn’t have given you a key to this place if I hadn’t wanted you to return to me. But there’s no place you can hide in the Bousim sector, or the city, for that matter, if Gaunsho Bousim wants you dead.”
Kyle slowly released his grip on Alidas’ hair and helped Alidas regain his balance.
Alidas removed the train ticket from his pocket and held it out to Kyle. “Will you go?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound like he was begging.
“I’d be foolish not to.” Kyle gave him a half-smile as he took the ticket from Alidas’ hand.
“This isn’t how I wanted things to work out for us,” Alidas said. “I’d hoped that after this job, we might find a way to be together. After all, my rule about no involvement with my agents would no longer apply. But it just wasn’t meant to be.”
He walked Kyle to the door. He watched as Kyle flicked his fingers apart and stepped into the Gray Space, disappearing from sight.
And Alidas’ life.
~*~
Alidas lay in his bed, his eyes open, staring out the window. It was late, well past midnight, but he hadn’t been able to sleep. The prospect of a new war was disturbing. Most of his rashan were too young to remember the horror of it, but his right leg reminded him of it every day.
The quiet of the night was broken by the ringing of a bell far off in the distance, followed by a second, then a third. Then all the bells in the city seemed to be ringing at once. There was shouting and someone pounding on his door.
He sat up and pulled on his shirt, not bothering to button it as he went to the door. He was surprised to find it was Mabry; he was supposed to be with the Bousim delegation at the Bell Dance.
“Nanvess is dead! Jath’ibaye killed him, and Esh’illan Anyyd, too!”
Alidas felt sick.
“How do you know this?” Alidas demanded.
“Ourath Lisam witnessed it himself. Jath’ibaye and Nanvess got into a fight, and Jath’ibaye fatally stabbed him. Esh’illan tried to come to Nanvess’ aid and Jath’ibaye broke his neck.”
“What happened to Jath’ibaye? Was anyone else there?”
“Jath’ibaye disappeared. We don’t know where he went. He may have had inside help, though – a Lisam runner’s uniform was found discarded in the musicians’ dressing room.”
Kyle. It had to be. He hadn’t left the city after all. Of course he hadn’t. Alidas had been naive to think that he would go just because Alidas had ordered him to.
“Did anyone else get killed?”
“No one else was reported killed, but the Glass Palace is under attack. What are your orders, Captain?”
“Get every available rashan out on patrol. We can’t arrest everyone, though. Try and fire warning shots when possible to get the people to disperse.”
“You want us to protect the Glass Palace?” Mabry asked.
“We can’t allow riots in the street. There’ll need to be an official inquiry. I’m not saying Gaunsho Lisam is lying, but there might be more to the story than he’s saying.”
“Yes, Captain. I’ll get everyone up.”
Alidas sat down in one of the chairs, rubbing his hands over his face. All his work, trying to avoid a war, trying to keep the peace in the Bousim household, had come to this.
He felt a surge of hatred toward Kyle for not following orders, but his anger quickly dissipated. If Alidas had just followed his own orders and killed Kyle when he’d had the chance, none of this would have happened. How could he blame Kyle for not following orders when he was just as guilty?
The Gaunsho’im Council might have outlawed the worship of Parfir, but he didn’t care. He prayed to Parfir that wherever Kyle was now, that he was alive and safe.
And Parfir willing, that he would get to see Kyle again one day.
~ * Fin * ~
2013-12-22