Chapter Text
The dip was out, the pizza was piping hot and the coke was poured. Ned sat back in his chair and relaxed. Of all the football related bets he had ever made, this would be the easiest win. The Stags sucked this year while the Wolves were near perfection. Yet if Robert wanted to lose 100 dollars on the game, Ned would gladly be the benefactor.
With Cat taking a “me” day and Robb spending the night with the Greyjoys, everything had fallen perfectly into place.
“Daddy! Daddy!” cried a little voice.
Ned sighed and pushed himself out of his comfortable spot. He rounded the corner into the playroom. Arya smiled and jumped faster in her jumpy chair when she saw him. Sansa sat in front of her, wearing her princess tiara and pink dress. “Daddy! You have to save me from the monster!” Sansa cried dramatically.
Ned got on his knees and walked forward. “Where’s the beast?” he asked in his most knight-like voice.
“There,” Sansa pointed at her sister.
“Arya’s not a monster. She’s a princess, like you,” Ned said.
“No she’s not!” Sansa stomped. “She threw her tiara. She’s a monster so you have to slay her.”
Ned got up and went to Arya. He picked her up as she raised her arms up and squealed. “No monster would be this cute,” he tossed her in the air and caught her. She giggled as he put her back down. “Here. Why don’t you two play dress up or something. Teach her how to be a princess.”
Sansa’s eyes sparkled. “Okay daddy!”
Ned turned to walk away.
“Wait!” Sansa yelled. Ned turned back around. Sansa ran up to him and tugged on his pants. He picked her up and she wrapped her little arms around his neck and kissed his hairy cheek. “All good knights get a kiss.”
Ned smiled and put her back down. “Teach her how to be a proper princess.”
Thirty minutes into the game left Ned stunned. His Wolves were imploding. This was worst than a slow start this was…this was…he couldn’t even think of a word to fit it. 34-2? After a quarter? He had chucked his phone at the floor after Robert texted him a series of snobby emojis.
“No Arya! That’s not food! It makes you pretty!” Sansa yelled in the other room.
The girls! Ned jumped from his chair and ran, nearly tripping over Herbert, Catelyn’s beast of a Chihuahua.
His mouth dropped when he saw the state of the playroom. Somehow Sansa had managed to find Cat’s make up and had proceeded to use it on Arya. Arya was caked with blush on her cheeks and blue eye shadow painted just under her eyebrows. There was some sort of cream on her chin and her mouth looked like a vampire’s.
Sansa turned her head and grinned at him. She had a layer of blush across her own cheeks, but that was it. “Look daddy! I made Arya a pretty princess!”
“Where did you get this?” he asked. Stupid question.
“Mommy’s bathroom. She uses it to look like a pretty princess too,” Sansa giggled.
Just relax. Get the girls cleaned up, vacuum up the powder and it will all be fine. Cat will never have to know.
Ned bent down and picked up the lipstick tube at his feet. Teeth marks had dug into it and it looked as though it had been chewed. “What happened to this?”
“Arya ate it. She thought it was food,” Sansa said.
Ned rushed over to Arya. He made her open her mouth, which she cried about. There was no getting that backed. His eyes darted back and forth as he scanned the label on the tube until he found the warning label. “Not for Consumption.”
“What the matter daddy?” Sansa asked.
He has to think. “Sansa, go get your shoes on. We’re going to go for a ride.”
“To where?” Sansa asked. “Is it ice cweem?”
“Sure, yeah,” Ned didn’t pay attention as he picked up Arya. She seemed okay so far.
Sansa squealed and ran out to get her velcro strapped sandles. Ned grabbed Arya’s diaper bag and the keys off the hook. He opened the door and Sansa ran out to the car, jumping in excitement.
Ned slid open the van door. Sansa climbed in and got into her booster seat as Ned buckled Arya into her car seat. Arya cooed and grabbed at his beard. “Ow! Arya let go,” he tried not to yell at her.
Sansa clapped her hands. “I want chocolate. No, I want nilla.” She gasped, “I want chocolate and nilla.”
Ned made sure she was buckled in before slamming the door and getting in the driver’s seat. It was a short distance to the urgent care, but it felt like forever. Sansa babbled about princesses and horses while Arya cooed and occasionally threw out her own words like “Sasa” and “Dada”.
He rushed them inside and went straight to the nurse’s station at the urgent care. “My daughter. She ate something she shouldn’t have,” he panted.
The nurse raised an eyebrow. “Was it a chemical like a cleaning agent? Or poisonous?”
“I-I don’t know. It was lipstick,” Ned explained.
Sansa waddled around at his feet. Arya was getting antsy in his arms.
The nurse pulled out a clipboard. “Fill this out. The doctor will see you shortly.” How could she speak so calmly?
He took the clipboard and sat in one of the waiting room chairs. Sansa sat quietly in the chair next to him, trying to read a book. Except it was upside down, so she mostly tried to comprehend the bizarre pictures.
“What’s her birthday?” Ned whispered to himself. It was the 30th right? That was Cat’s. The 8th? No. There was something important happening on the 8th. Focus Ned!
Tired of trying to act grown up, Sansa started making funny faces at Arya. It wasn’t princess-like, but it always made her sister laugh. Sometimes princesses should act silly.
Arya giggled. “Sasa! Sasa pllll.”
“Stark,” a doctor kindly called. Ned’s head jerked up. He signed his name at the bottom of the form and picked up Arya’s car seat. Sansa dawdled along after him. The doctor led them back to one of the children’s offices. Colorful dinosaurs lined the yellow walls. There was a stack of children’s books next to the exam table.
“What do we have here?” the doctor asked.
Ned picked up Arya out of her car seat.
“I’m Sansa. I’m thwee years old. This is my baby sister Arya. She’s 1.” Sansa held up her fingers to illustrate the exact ages.
Only then did Ned realize the girls were still wearing Cat’s make up. They looked like a clown show.
The doctor smiled at Sansa. “That’s quite impressive.”
“My daughter, Arya, she ate some lipstick. I didn’t know what else to do,” Ned explained.
The doctor turned her polite smile onto him. “Don’t fret Mr. Stark. You’d be surprised by how often things like this happen.” She held out her hands to take Arya, then cradled her. “Let’s check a couple little things.”
The doctor poked and prodded at Arya. When she started crying, Ned worried that something was horribly wrong. The doctor didn’t panic though. “Everything seems okay. I want an ultrasound just to make sure though.”
The doctor stepped out, taking Arya with her.
Sansa climbed onto Ned’s lap. “Daddy what’s an ulta sound?”
“It’s where they put some gel on your tummy to look inside.” Ned said.
Sansa’s eyes widened. “They can see inside her?”
Ned nodded.
“Can they see inside me?” Sansa asked.
Ned shook his head. “You don’t need to. They just want to see the lipstick.”
“The lipstick’s not in Arya’s tummy though,” Sansa said.
“It’s not?” Ned asked.
“Arya threw it,” Sansa swung her legs back and forth over the edge of Ned’s knee.
Ned looked up at the ceiling and groaned. Fifty dollars wasted.
The doctor returned and said all was well with Arya. Ned decided not to tell her everything had apparently been fine all along. He got the girls buckled in the car again and headed off.
“Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream!” Sansa chanted.
“No Sansa, it’s too close to dinner time,” Ned said.
“You said ice cream though!” Sansa pouted.
The girl could remember ice cream but not her own middle name.
Sansa began chanting again. Arya patted her hands against her legs to the beat. After three minutes of this Ned gave in. He was already in trouble, what was a little ice cream going to do?
He got peanut butter-banana milkshake for himself and a chocolate-vanilla cone for Sansa. Arya was content enough that Sansa was content.
He pulled up to the driveway. Catelyn wasn’t back yet. Thank the Old Gods. He got the girls inside and took them straight to the bathroom to clean up their faces. After sitting them down to watch some TV he picked up the mess in the playroom.
As he closed the cabinet door in the bathroom, he heard the door open. Sansa’s excited calls of “Mummy, mummy!” alerted him to get down stairs. Ned ran quietly to the stairs and walked down them casually.
He kissed Catelyn on the cheek. “Welcome back. How was “Cat” day.”
“It was wonderful. It’s amazing what a little time in a sauna can do. You should try it sometime Ned,” Catelyn smiled. She carried her purse into the kitchen then stopped. “Ned, why is Herbert wearing my lipstick?”