Chapter Text
A clock ticks behind Hanbon. 12:35 on a Saturday, well it’s actually 11:55 but who’s counting.
Hanbons counting.
She regrets taking her break early.
Normally she’d be zoning out to the sizzle of Will flipping burgers on the grill. Instead she’s painfully being kept in reality by Anthony’s crying. And screaming, good god he looks like a tomato.
Hanbon twirls around to see Coy, the ginger boy, waving his hands in a ‘sorry’ manner to a drive through customer—probably apologizing for the noise.
Or maybe he was too slow as the timer on the screen clicks past 7 minutes.
He catches Hanbon’s eye from across the room, his stupid pearly white teeth standing out against his pale skin.
Hanbon tilts her head to the side, scrunching her eyebrows.
Coy signals towards the mess of Will, Anthony, and a co-worker neither of which bothered to learn the name of.
Oh right Anthony’s screaming at Will.
Will’s wide eyed, trying not to laugh as Anthony flails his arms about. Mouth open wide enough to fit a 7 car pile-up vertically. Horizontally? Hanbon never payed attention in 3rd grade math.
She covers her mouth trying to suppress the quiet giggles spilling out.
There’s orange sauce spread all over the grill and floor, oozing between the nobs.
Yuck
Anthony’s practically ineligible over the fan as Hanbon leans in to catch the tail end of the conversation.
“OH MY FUCKING GOD WILL!!!!!!!!!!” Damn??
The loud ass fan shut off right as she was close enough so, in summary, it felt like someone turned the bass amp to 1,000.
While Anthony’s breaking the sound barrier Hanbon assesses the situation.
Co-worker spilt special sauce over the grill, Anthony saw and.. well and that. What’s happening now. But what’s the big deal?? It’s just-
“Do you know how long it’ll take to clean all this up?!” Oh yeahhh-
It takes a few hours to clean the grills. Will was complaining about it in the group chat a while back.
It’s pretty empty anyway, should be fixed without worry.
But no. Hanbon made a fatal error.
It was 12:04, about to be lunch rush.
Lunch rush on a Saturday. With no grill and minimal supplies, and hardly any employees.
Maybe lunch rush will come late? That happens, right?
And in some act of cruel irony sent from the Lord above, 4 car doors slammed simultaneously.
Only 4- oh wait an entire bus is pulling up. And 2 more cars, and a yellow punch buggy. Easy.. uh they’ve handled worse.
Like that one catering service the company used to promote themselves.
Second ironic and perfect timing of the day. Little leagues baseball team pulled in, and a mini van with 13 rowdy children.
What did Hanbon do to deserve this.
A few more cars pulls up. A Tesla, SUV, Cyber Truck.. why are so many rich people here?
And there’s more. Right yeah of course. Hanbon should just never open her mouth again. She physically cannot look at this.
She looks back at Coy, who looks at her. Where they look at Will and Anthony, semi-oblivious to the entire problem at hand. There’s no way they even have enough food to serve all of these people, let alone with a nonfunctional grill!
Hanbon and Coy look back simultaneously, heads turning at the same angle, at the same time just on opposite sides of the room.
A car turns their blinker on to pull into the parking lot.
There’s not a single free space.
Oh
My
God.
Hanbon looks down at herself, breaking out of sync with Coy. Her hair’s done nice, nails long, makeup perfected. Yeah-no.
She looks up at Coy, who’s crossing the room straight for her.
“Hey Hanbon!” Coy tries to speak in a republican impression because that’s always comforting.
“Yeah! Yeah hey Coy,” Hanbon pouts, extending her Y’s. “What’s up,” she batts her eyes. She could totally butter Anthony up to get out of this mess.
“So there’s-“
A blood curdling scream can be heard, absolutely terrifying. Like actual shivers.
“Oh my god Anthony finally killed someone.” Coy whispers—just barely louder than the wind outside—as him and Hanbon whip around, hair crashing against the register. Well, Hanbon’s hair, Coy has a twink lesbian hybrid cut. He’s come to terms with that.
Anthony’s staring out the window, heaving. Fuming! Poor guy.
Not poor guy actually, he looks manic. Uniform ripped, hair a mess, earring swaying in the draft.
Hanbon could not butter her way out of this one. Neither could Coy with his rage-baity attitude.
Will’s mouth drops, hands to his jaw in a shocked expression. He shifts his weight foot to foot before opting to twist his torso to each side.
Anthony makes an ‘ok’ symbol with his hands, breathing in and out.
Shit
He knew it’d be pretty bad but what 17 cars? 17 cars?! 17! Cars!? They had the stock for a slow-ish day. No, an average day, not the entire US congress showing up.
Coy dives, taking Hanbon down with him as Anthony turns around.
He makes an exaggerated confused expression, tilting his head. “Where’s Coy and Hanbon?”
Anthony checks behind him and to the side and… no where.
“Wha-?” Hanbon breaths out.
“Look.” Coy forces her head to the side. Pointing vaguely at the parking lot of people emptying out of cars slowly.
Hanbon gags as another Cyber Truck pulls to the drive through.
Then he point towards the mess. And finally waves around to the stock.
“I am like not dealing with that, whether AirPod likes it or not.” His eyes spark like he just thought of something new to say. “Like and it’s like not even like our fault, you know like?” Coy shrugs, giggling.
“Yeah like that was not our fault.”
“So why don’t we just leave?”
Hanbon crosses her arms before bringing a finger up to her chin, pretending to think. She makes an ‘ooo’ing sound before whisper-yelling, “Oh! Oh! And we can make them a cake and a party for their hard work today!!”
Coy release a string of hushed and rapid ‘yeah’s while they high five each other.
Together they crawl to the back door, escaping to Coy’s car as everyone had carpooled with him this morning.
Coy lets out a breath of relief. Overly dramatic tears roll down his cheeks.
Hanbon wipes sweat off her forehead, talking softly. “We really are the best.”
“Yeah, we make so many sacrifices for our bunch of friends.”
Hanbon imitates a cricket before Coy cuts her off. “So what are we supposed to be doing?”
Meanwhile
“Excuse me-“
“Where the fuck are Coy and Hanbon!!” Anthony’s beyond mad. What the fuck. No what the fuck. Yeah this was serious enough for bold and italic and underline. No underline actually, it’s not that serious. DEEZ NUTS ARE THAT SERIOUS stfu Avery get back to writing ur never gonna make it in this world especially laughing at your own fucking jokes you gay ass bitch go back to wishing you had friends like a little loser
What were we talking about? Oh right.
Anthony’s livid. Where are they? One minute here, the next gone! And of course him and Will don’t have their phones on them.
There were lines of customers. Will was busy cleaning the grill and of course that other worker clocked out. Fucking wimp.
Customers are definitely hearing him scream now, him and Will are practically the only ones behind the counter. And Will basically refuses to take orders because “that’s not in my pay grade” huh??? Wha?? Huh???? You work at a fast food chain???? Oh and he’s cleaning the grill, which is a valid point.
“You know I bet they’re out on a shopping spree.” Will whispers as Anthony changes his shirt. He cannot go out there looking like that.
“Dude what are you talking about?” Anthony hardly has it in himself to be mad with Will around.
“Panthony, listen. I bet, they’re shopping. Coy and Hanbon. Shopping for us!”
“What a hunch-“
A woman’s booming voice can be heard from across the building.
“I’ve been here for four hours!! I demand service!!! Where’s the manager!!”
It’s been 12 minutes at most and Potero is now finding it hard to keep his composure.
Will rolls his eyes. Who approved of white women again?
“Hey man, I can help bag orders-ok? I’ll help bag orders yeah.” Will has a pretty genuine smile on his face. He feels sympathy for Anthony, but there’s no way he’s dealing with that many angry customers face to face.
“You don’t gotta do that Will. Uh focus on the grill-“ Anthony stutters out, barely finishing the sentence before rushing out the door.
Yeah no Will’s definitely helping this is insanity.
At the register (where Hanbon isn’t) there’s some middle aged white woman—which Will congratulates himself for guessing, even if it was almost a guarantee—who’s red in the face and clutching her two sons.
Immediately once Anthony is within eye contact she perks up.
“Excuse me where is your manager?!” Her words were dripping with bitterness. God, just choose joy woman!
“I am the manager ma’am, what seems to be the problem?” Anthony has a great customer service voice and a charm to him that could make any situation less tense. He’s dealt with Karens before.
“I’ve been waiting here forever and there’s no one here! Do you know how unprofessional this is? Do you have any respect for yourself or me and my time!?”
This is a fast food chain. Anthony’s 17 and in high school. Shut the hell up lady????
Anthony wants to laugh at the audacity. His face twitches slightly before trying to smooth all of this over. He begins, “I’m so sorry Ms! We value you and your time before anything else in our establishment. You as the customer are our number one priority.” His priority is definitely his sanity but she doesn’t need to know that. He can’t even utter out another word before she decides it’s her turn to speak.
“It better be! After this service I-“
“You cut the fucking line lady!!”
Woah new challenger approaches??
A tall black haired girl looking straight out of a ‘spicy romance novel’ from booktok cuts her off. Why does everyone above 30 talk over others like it’s a sport?
“You, lady!”
“Who are you?”
The girl ignores the question entirely.
“Ya cut the fucking line!” She says, escalating this more than need be.
“I am sick and-“
“Shut the fu-“
“Oh! You people are-“
Girl number two makes a sound in between a dying raccoon and a candle blowing out, it was supposed to be a laugh.
“Grown ass woman who can’t wait-“
And it goes on like this. Goes on like this for 4 minutes but more like 4 years. Neither of which ever get a word out let alone a full sentence.
Anthony interjects.
“Excuse me?”
Their heads snap to him like predatory birds. Anthony gulps, Jesus.
“How about both of you go to the back to settle all of this out.” Anthony’s regaining his confidence becuase honestly there’s so many people and he’s just a tad bit pissed.
People at the drive through honk through the silence.
And finally, the blonde speaks.
“This is just outrageous!”
The dark haired woman wants to debate this too. She screams at Anthony, “Yeah this is unfair!”
Fuckkkkk ok. Yeah whatever man fuck this. Anthony needs a vacation.
“Ok so then you can both leave.” Or he’s calling the cops before things get violent. he refrains from saying that.
You know that one emoji they added to Apple? Where the little yellow guy has eye bags and a deadpan expression of annoyence? Like he wants to be dead?Anthony might as well be the embodiment of that right now.
Oh! And the like nail biting one? Yeah Will’s that one as he listens to this instead of his Reddit story podcasts while cleaning the grill.
“You fucking bitch! I’m not doing anything-“
Anthony makes like a quiet scream of surprise to get her attention. Like a ‘aaa’. You know? Like a ‘aaaa’. ‘Aaaa I’m appletarian aaa’ sound.
“Yep! You will not call me that, please get to the back of the line or you may leave.”
He puts emphasis on every word. Each one more breathy than the last. The entitlement of people these days.
“Fine I’ll take my business elsewhere!”
Anthony sees her children tugging on her shirt, babbling about how they want a burger. Poor things.
“You’re welcome to do so. Have a great day, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience!”
Fuckkkk fuck fuck fuckkk. Man this manager shit is easy. Anthony’s so glad he got promoted.
She stomps off, slamming the door so the whole establishment shakes.
The other woman stares in disbelief as she nods and makes her way to the back of the line.
Anthony’s honestly surprised, part of this was probably pretty corny and plenty of managers don’t put up with Karens shit.
Honestly he has no idea why she gave up so easily instead of screaming for another half an hour. Will’s gonna say it’s his customer service smile.
“Dude!” Speak of the devil! Will elongates the word, adding an ‘uh’ to the end like real bros do.
“Your customer service smile came in clutch!” Called it.
“Yeah, hah… I know I’m pretty cool.”
“This isn’t going to be a whole thing.”
Anthony brings his arms to his hips.
“I did it! I saved the town.”
Someone from the back shouts that they’re still waiting to order. Anthony and Will scatter like ducks, immediately getting back to work with their heads down.
Now looking at channel five with Coy and Hanbon!
“Coy?”
“Yeah?”
“You missed the exit.”
Well…
So now Coy and Hanbon are traveling down this highway, about to go down a different exit, so they can go to a different grocery store, where they’re not regulars.
In work uniforms mind you.
Work uniforms that look like they came from a clown work shop. They wish they were coming from a clown work shop.
They should tell people that. I’s less depressing than saying they escaped from rush hour at their shitty job, leaving their manager and Will behind.
Will’s an entire job, an apprentice, a title to uphold. Will shalt let the Wills before he see this sign of weakness, destroy the importance and image the Past Wills have installed.
That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. Anthpo’s words, not mine.
“So boy and Girl are coming from clown workshop to buy cake ingredients?” Coy says, nodding his head like this story was something they’d need.
“No wait pie, cake’s boring!”
“Oh! And we can say that it was a recipe from our Ye Old grandmother who died in The Clown Wars, slipping on a banana peel.”
“And she used to pie people in the face with this recipe, so technically we’re-“ Hanbon stops moving her hands around, “I want to be in a clown war.”
Coy starts but they both look thrilled as they finish the sentence in unison.
“The pie is for the second clown war!”
Hanbon adds, “to avenge Clown Granny!”
“To avenge Clown Granny!” Coy reinforces the statement. It’s their motto after all, ‘Avenge Clown Granny’.
Not it isn’t, they’re just rolling with whatever dumb shit comes out of their mouths.
“Wait” Coy trails off for a moment before getting back on track, making a left turn for the parking lot of Market Basket (Author’s note: I’m from New England and don’t know many grocery stores outside of MA sorry 😢 think of a Shaws, unless that’s also a New England thing, I apologize if so I’m sheltered at least it’s accurate bc New jersey? NEW JERSY ISNT A PART OF NEW ENGLAND WHAT??????). “What’s Clown Granny’s name?”
“Clown Granny is the name Coy.” She says it likes its obvious, it is obvious.
They unbuckle their seatbelts and head inside, time to make impressions on people!
Time to give head to people!
No wait Clown The Granny is watching.
My Dawg Clown The Granny sounds more important.
The more buzzwords the better.
The sliding doors revolt, opening their way for the freshly squeezed clowns to enter the store.
Hanbon pulls up a recipe on Pinterest she can’t pronounce, the comments are full of soccer moms. Hanbon’s a clown, does that count? It should count.
Coy skims the life story before finding the ingredients.
“Ok! Chocolate chips, whipping cream, butter, pie crust, cream cheese..” he scrolls down on Hanbon’s phone, “cocoa powder.. and powder.. powdered sug-ar!!” Coy says it like it hurts to talk. It kinda does hurt to talk, he’s been yelling over a loud ass fan all day.
“A clown who can’t read?”
“I can read!” Coys voice pitch highers several octaves like a little girl. “Do you think we can like-… like get beer or will that not fly.”
Hanbon ignores the ‘that not fly’ and how much Coy’s stuttering. Man that ingredients list messed him up.
“Ugh, maybe from our corner store?”
“Damnit!”
A shopper grabbing a cart turns around to stare. Hanbon and Coy grab a cart and walk away.
Coy b-lines for the baking isle, Hanbon running to catch up with the cart.
They separate to opposite ends of the section, compare prices, and compliment a child wearing a propeller hat. What the fuck?
Coy wants that hat. Coy really wants that hat.
Eventually they both get to the check out with a lovingly prepared premade pie crust.
Why were they even doing this again?
No seriously why the fuck are they making a pie.
At the checkout the cashier says nothing while someone else bags. They both wordlessly decide against guilt-tripping the fast food workers into buying a reusable bag.
Coy blurts out, “We’re making the pie for the wedding Clown War.”
Hanbon, without missing a beat, backs him up. “Yeah! It’s our Big Clown Granny’s recipe. She died in the Clown War Wedding.”
Normally there should be a pause for comedic effect or timing or relief or release heh (someone take this notes app away from me) but they both need to keep adding onto this.
“Died honking her own horn.” Coy takes off his visor and hold it to his chest. “Poor thing won’t die for nothing because this war ain’t over!”
“88th anniversary of the Wedding Clown War.”
“Big Clown-ma would’ve squirted water out her flower for the funny number.” A singular tear rolls down his cheek.
They both look towards the floor.
The bagger has literally full on stopped. The cashier looks around like there might be a camera there before the bagger hits him.
His eyes—somehow—comunicate ‘be respectful’ to his co-worker.
“You know-“ Hanbon sniffles and braces her head away. “We just came back from a”Hanbon hardens her face, “clown workshop.”
“Oh yes…” Coy chimes in.
“It was-“ Hanbon looks like she’ll break down sobbing in the checkout line. “God I’m sorry I can’t.”
Coy mouths, ‘it’s ok’ before putting a hand on her shoulder and taking over.
“It’s a lot of work. That’s all I’ll say.”
And stupid, brilliant, Hanbon pulls out a clown horn. Honking it right there.
The cashier speaks up.
“I’m sorry is this some kind of-“
“What clown can’t be women?! Is that what it is huh? You think Clown The Granny was disgraceful by choosing her own path?!” Coy yells.
The bagger (who’d finally gotten back to doing his job after listening intently) slaps his friend’s arm.
“That’s so insensitive! They’re sharing a traumatic experience!”
Sad honks can be heard from Hanbon.
Coy inserts his card to the reader.
Hanbon alarms up. “Clown Grandma fought for you. She died there for you and this is what you see her as?”
Coy grabs the bag. Pulling Hanbon out the door as she honks.
She gives the horn to the bagger, then gives him a thumbs up in a last second gesture as Coy drags her out the door.
“We’ll never come here again!” Coy shouts, going out the automatic doors.
At the parking lot they both pause before they start laughing continuously.
After a moment of getting stared at and catching their breath, Hanbon whimpers out “my clown horn” but Coy assures her they’ll buy one at party city, which is their next stop for decorations.
Seriously why are they throwing a party?? Hello??
Anyways--the only party city in the country trip went pretty well.
They got purple, yellow, pink, and green streamers, 7 balloons that say happy birthday, and table cloth(s).
They also got Pokémon cards because they needed a gift. And Hanbon got a blind box—which will also end up as a gift because she didn’t get the one she wanted.
Coy ended up running into a Walmart super center to grab blow up balloons and those fancy plates, plus all the things that Google gemmi told them was a “party decor essential!” (I did not use AI. I searched it up on Pinterest. Fuck AI)
So centerpieces (a salt and pepper shaker?), 4 pack of glitter, one of those banners which Coy is sure he has at home, pom poms, confetti, cheap fairy lights, a neon sign that says something in cursive(? It says cherry? Why did they buy this?), a welcome sign, light up headbands, glasses, pack of candy, those mini party bags, and tissue paper for paper links.
And a clown horn!!! A better and bigger one than before!!!!
They could make homemade place cards despite probably only inviting two people.
The employee at the register said the equivalent to, ‘sick are you having a party?’
Hanbon invited him and gave the address. He’ll be there after his shift.
One more person for this popsicle stand they’ll blow!
Anyways,
Coy drove down to the liquor store that doesn’t ID people.
(HI I COULD PUT THIS IN NOTES BUT ITS IMPORTANT. TW: SUICIDE SI SEX UNDERAGE DRINKING ADDICTION SUBSTANCE ABUSE IF THESE TOPICS TRUGGER YOU SKIP THIS PART. DO NOT UNDERAGE DRINK, ESPECIALLY WITHOUT SUPERVISION AND NOT LNOWING YOUR LIMIT. DRINKING UNDERSGE IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS AND CAN LEAD TO ADDIXTION DRUNK DRIVING DRUNK SEX ASSALT JAIL TIME ETC. oh but if you’re 18 idgaf just have someone over 21 with you the first few times. I’ve been through thoughts of substance abuse before, although I’ve never actually experienced it I can get some of the feeling. You are a person. You are a life. That means you’re more important than you realize. Everything may seem bland or bleak or depressing but substances should never be the option. Talk to someone, and if you don’t have anyone to talk to, ask a stranger for help. I won’t go through all that stupid “you’re amazing and people would miss you if you’re gone or drinking!” Because as someone who tried to kill themselves and still thinks about it everyday, it doesn’t work. My mindset will always be that you’re here, and it’s such a low possibility that you are so why not just live? Why not just be? By doom scrolling or laughing or harming yourself or reading this fic you are living. Don’t turn to substances and ruin that. Don’t ruin yourself. If no one has told you today, I’m proud of you. Whether an hour day month year or second clean, I’m so extraordinarily proud of you. I love you man. Dont underage drink.)
It’s just some corner shop that does ID most people, but if you ask the right person (Anthony’s uncle’s cousin’s girlfriend’s dad’s nephew who’s also Anthony’s neighbor) and promise they can trust you guys, they’ll let you get a couple beers despite Coy looking 12. Not any more than an 8-12 pack in a group, or two bottles when alone.
That’s respectable and responsible.
The 4 of them (or more) have never done anything stupid with alcohol, and the group will sometimes limit Coy because he’s younger and the rest of the them are about to be 18 this year anyways. So the man doesn’t care.
Hanbon and Coy walked in, asked for Dale and patiently waited.
“How old are you man?” The employee looked Coy up and down.
Hanbon intervened, “Ah! No, it’s for our friend. They just turned 21.”
“I can’t sell alcohol to minors.”
“But we’re not minors!” Coy is not saving this dear god.
Coy looked around the shop, it was practically empty. In fact Coy couldn’t remember the last time they’d seen anyone here.
“I’ll give you 100 dollars.”
Coy slammed the money on the counter. Hanbon jumped from the noise, eyes wide.
The man took the money and signaled over his boss, Dale. Anthony’s neighbor.
Dale looked at the 100 dollars, looked at Coy and Hanbon and sighed.
He shooed the worker away and gave them a pack for free. “For your troubles.”
So with the beer and supplies and food and a gun in the backseat that neither has any idea where it came from, they drove off!
Ready to start baking, and set up, and find an excuse why they abandoned the two during rush hour. (They finally remembered why they were throwing a party woohoo!!!)
And that’s our new information with Coy and Hanbon! We’ll keep you updated. Now, back to our normal broadcast:
Ok so some guy just proposed.
Will has practically given up on cleaning the grill, it’s unimportant anyways. But again, some guy just proposed??
Anthony prays she says no, like actually on his hands and knees begging because this is an unnamed establishment. There’s no way.
Sure maybe it’s something romantic like it was their first date, but unnamed establishment on a first date? Really?
Maybe Anthony has high standards, but Will agrees!
He would never ever take his girlfriend to a fast food place for a date no matter what! So to propose is a new low.
And to make it worse, there’s some girl doing the ‘obsession’ trend in the corner. Anthony really wants to kick her out even if it could be bad for business.
People are ordering, oblivious to whatever the hell is happening over there. Will can see out of the corner of his eye the girlfriend storming off. Good for her, good for her.
They’re almost out of food which can’t be good.
They’re the Will and Anthony! Practically high school nobodies! Of course they can handle this!!!
Yeah not the most flattering description but Anthony’s a jock (who some would say should be shoved in a locker) so he got that going for him.
Like seriously he’s half of the entire reason they ever get party invites.
Although, Will seems to be hitting it off pretty well!
Anthony knew Will before he moved here, so they are pretty close. Then of course, somehow, Will became the class clown in his chem lab, so people like him! Wouldn’t call him the most popular though, he’s still pretty low on the food chain.
Coy’s known for being gay. That’s the only thing about him. It pisses him the fuck off. What. No im not projecting onto him. Why would i. No seriously why am I known for being gay. Fuck my classmates. I don’t like every girl that walks past. I ALSO LIKE MEN WTOP ASSUMING I DINT IVE SIAD IT BEFORE?????????? Please. Please help me. Please god make sure I don’t get called a slur this year 🙏🙏 last year my ex opened the door for someone and the kid called them a faggot 😭 straught white malein btw I’m sorry I’m getting ahead of myself
So yeah, that’s a fun feeling!
Hanbon, ever so athletic, is a pretty smart cheerleader. Rumors say she’s dating Anthony. The rumors are wrong (in this chapter 🤷).
Anthony was putting in an order, 2 double cheeseburgers and a side salad.
They had no buns.
So naturally, Anthony used some bread he found.(?) No idea where it came from but he scrapped the cheese off the cold, pre-made patties and plopped them down on the stale yet soggy bread.
The bacon smelt slightly moldy, and was dripping wet as they found it at the very bottom of the throw out bin. It was covered in greases from god knows where, so basically packed with flavor!
The one peice of bacon was layered on one of the “sandwiches” along with tomato and a mystery vegetable Will claimed to be an orange. It was not an orange.
The side salad looked the same as all of their side salads, disgusting. But what can he say? 1 in 100 people buy it!
And there! A radioactive meal that’ll get them both sued!
Nothing can go wrong.
“He’s having a heart attack!!”
What the fuck.
“He’s choking you dumb bitch!”
Distant screaming is heard from the back of the restaurant, where the man was purposing.
He uh..
Swallowed the ring?
Sounds like someone I know haha - Will Mahony, maybe
Yes sir! He swallowed the ring. No what? Hello? What?
Coy and Hanbon are going to be so jealous they missed out on all this.
Actually, by some miracle, Anthony and Will forgot they existed! Doesn’t mean they’re not working their asses off.
Oh yeah some guy’s choking.
Will rushed over, arms out wide. Anthony follows, calmer yet internally panicking because staying calm highers your chance of survival. Anthony’s chance, not the guy.
Will immediately starts the heimlich, where. Where did he learn that from?? Whatever, in life you have to digress to survive.
Some girl is screaming, in fact everyone is screaming.
Anthony kind of has his eyes wide open, mouth slightly agape. The corners of his lips are curved, like a sociopath because now’s not the time to be smiling.
Will continues to press on the dudes stomach. It’s doing some good, clearly dislodging the ring slightly. Yet the ring still isn’t out.
Oh never mind.
The ring lands right on the floor informs of the man feet. Clamering on the tile floors despite looking like plastic.
It was silver, unidentified gem in the middle that couldn’t have been bigger than an inch. Which is disappointing. The stone wasn’t in some fancy shape, it wasn’t shined, the inside had some green residue that would surely stain your finger. It looks like something you’d find for a couple bucks at a pawn shop rather than an engagement ring from a real jeweler.
It probably was from a pawn shop considering the guy dressed like a mix between a hippie and some dad who went fishing on the weekends. Beard included.
Although he had a Rolex, some nice car in the parking lot too based on his keys that were scattered across the table from his, well, choking.
It’s kind of disappointing. I mean, the ring reminded Anthony of one you’d get from one of those gumball machines. It’s an engagement not some stupid—what?—recess date?
And of course the guy was probably a finance bro, he clearly had Meta Glasses on. Nice clean shaven head and a smile that wasn’t right. He had that uncanny valley felling about him, seriously the guy didn’t look human.
He pushed away from Will after getting up off his knees.
“I do not need your help, thank you!” The man shouts over the broken ass air conditioner.
He was red in the face with a horse voice, shoulders hunched back and to his ears.
He shoved the table and walks out without any of his stuff like a robot.
God, what is happening today?
Will tries to stop himself from chuckling but the hand over mouth method fails and he ends up full on wheezing as Anthony speed walks to the counter.
The dude looked so stupid he couldn’t. breathe. oh. my.
Customers are now staring at Will with a horrified look. This is not good for business but oh. oh my. god.
No if you saw the look on his face you’d be laughing to. Imagine a bright red man sitting there chocking on a fucking ring.
HE HAD A BUZZ CUT.
“Will! We have orders!” Anthony sang, shaking his head and snapping.
Will could do so much better, couldn’t he?
So Will decided to make a stupid decision.
He stood up on the table and screamed as loud as he could mange, “I quit!”
“Will get down and help make orders.”
“Nope! I quit Anthony! Fuck you!!”
Right so this makes sense.
And unsurprisingly this wouldn’t be a damn plot point. Because as everyone was staring at Will in some sort of astonishment, a person climbed through the window.
And started making a sandwich?
Will’s eyes widened. He jumped and rapidly pointed to the kitchen before running to that direction. Which caused Anthony to follow in pursuit.
Unlike Will, Anthony stood before the kitchen instead of marching inside to greet the stranger who broke in. Why would you do that?
Until Will threw a slimy tomato at him, so sadly Anthony had to step in.
And he had hoped it would be a calm day.
He approached the man like he was a wild animal. “Sir, we’re going to need you to step out of the kitchen and get off the premises.”
The man, covered in tomato with seeds sticking to his skin and sliding down his neck, didn’t look up. He kept making a burger.
Will was still frozen in place, staring at the tomatoes like they could somehow help this entire thing.
“We’re going to have to call the cops then.”
“Anthony-“
Will turned straight around, mouth opening wider than it should. He made incoherent sounds like it was impossible to speak. For Will it probably was impossible to speak.
“Do I know you?”
“Anthony my goat!” he extended his ‘T’ until he sounded like a goat, “come on! You’re cool, I can make a sandwich.”
He didn’t even look up.
Anthony knew he had some sort of reputation, what that was, was unknown. For pulling some crazy pranks? Or that one school project? Sure a lot of people enjoyed those, and some of his classmates have seen his stand ups! But let’s be honest, most people know him from the fact he wears video game shirts and yet is still on the football team.
Anthony was not popular despite being on varsity, small price to play so you can have an Adventure Time keychain on your bag.
“I seriously don’t know who you are, and no. No, you can’t make food in here. You need to leave or I’ll call the cops.”
That’s when the kid looks up.
“Oh come on! Fuck you dude!”
And instead of leaving he continues making the order. All the while half the restaurant leaves.
Less work for them!
Someone broke in though.
And Will finally looks like he’ll speak, because he remembers who this is!
It’s the stoner!
But before he could, a girl walks in.
She says something about her brother but it’s pretty hard to hear.
She comes behind the three of them, the thief waving. Anthony and Will scream like they’re being held at gunpoint when she speaks.
“Ma’am! You can’t be back here! Everyone needs to leave.”
“I’m sorry that’s my brother.”
What.
“You and your brother need to…”
And that’s when both Anthony and Will realize something, that’s the girl who said no.
And what ironic timing! The assumed ex barges in!
“Babe!”
But he slips in grease while coming over.
Will whispers to the woman, “he choked on the ring.” And she lets out a small sigh.
The stoner looks at the ex like a deer in headlights before turning back to the counter, unbothered.
“No! This is a public restaurant! You all need to leave and settle it on your own time!”
“But-“
“No! No buts! I’m calling the damn cops! Leave!!!” One of these days Anthony’s vocal cords are gonna burst.
“That’s rich coming from the guy who ordered a marching band to go through the school.”
“That’s rich coming from the guy who shamelessly smokes in the court yard during PE.”
Will smirks and nods rapidly, he was tried. And bored. He missed his girlfriend. he chimes in with, “yeah! I bet you’re even failing it. Mind you, gym is the easiest class. Bud” but retreats back to watching it unfold. He really wants popcorn.
Anthony wants to high-five him. And give him a raise. And fire Coy. And scold Hanbon.
He’s very conflicted.
And the ex, who no one invited wants to speak. Anthony does not want him to speak. How do you stop someone from speaking? Shhh shhhh I didn’t want an answer sweet pea. Get it? I’m sorry I’ll shut up.
He “shushes” the man then walks straight over to him and closes his mouth. Slowing ushering him out of the kitchen, Anthony tells him, in a surprisingly calming tone, “you of all people I don’t want here, I don’t why she’s mad but you’re actually on drugs with whatever the hell you were doing back there. Actually! You all are grown adults arguing with a teenager! I just want to go home. I don’t even need this job I-“ and so on. Droning like anyone’s listening, new flash, no one’s listening—sadly.
Will, bless his dear heart. Shoves the actively being made burger on the ground and grabs the woman, dragging them along.
He stands in front of them like a prison guard, while Anthony has managed to inch the Ex out long before that.
“Ok! So see, all of you need to leave. I don’t make the rules!” Poor Will, he should make the rules.
And this time Anthony doesn’t care about getting sued because he has a good amount of dirt on the trio. So he shoves them to the door and slames it in their face.
“Who wants free tacos!!” Will tries.
And somehow Anthony agrees. Is it only because he knows a couple people in high places and they hardly have any product to make profit of off anyways? Maybe. Maybe his grandfather is also in the mafia. Ha-ha, white people.
“Burgers. I’m sorry, we don’t have tacos. But who wants free everything!” He corrects.
Oh this is so stupid.
But Will syncs up his Bluetooth to the speakers and blasts music, and Potero can’t say he’s angry. First time for everything.
So the customers raid the kitchen, grabbing food and drinks and all of the above. They damage the countertops, spread oil throughout the floor, break open cabinet doors like it’s Pandora’s box and they’re stupid as shit. It’s both beautiful and traumatic.
Will sighs and pats Anthony on the bag, muttering about how they did good as they both begin for their long night of cleaning.
Little do they know..
As they finish up for the night, hand in hand with the big, ‘CLOSED’ sign shining in those neon green lights—because it’s broken beyond repair—and chips taken from the edges no longer looking dirty but rather lived in, they slowly get into the car.
The parking lot is empty, and it’s almost uneasy from the drastic change of practically all day. Streetlights illuminate the sidewalk and road. Will could softly see the outline of Anthony’s face in the streetlights, he’d cut his hair recently and pierced his ears. It was a look, sure, but it suited Anthony well. He seemed happier too. Will really liked seeing Anthony happy.
He’s not sure if he says it enough but he really cares for all his friends.
Really he does.
So they head to the car.
Will drives so Anthony can pass out in the passenger seat, he really needs a beer.
It’s pretty quiet in their town, building zooming past as they become more and more scarce.
After a couple minutes of the backroads it’s back to something adjacent to a city. A city in that comforting way of one that’s had so many memories.
Anthony can’t help but wonder who else had such a fond friendship like their and walked this area.
No matter who did they could never compare.
He guesses.
The car is quiet as they pull to Anthony’s house, or rather apartment. He lives alone currently.
He likes living alone. Of course he’s still close with his parents and all, but it’s nice having the independence of it.
It’s near his dream college too, which is way less of a ways than his parents place.
Will’s in the same complex, good chance he’ll be staying the night however, let’s be honest.
They’re both mildly worried if Coy and Hanbon made it home safe.
Understatement of the century.
You can hear the seat belt roll up in an agonizing pace when it unbuckles.
Will goes ahead Anthony, spare key dangling from his fingers, though Anthony doesn’t linger too far behind.
Will opens the door first.
The entire apartment is dark and quiet as you’d expect it. Will can make out frosting and other ingredients covering the countertops, strange to say the least.
Anthony comes up behind, taking a swig of his water and turning on the lights without investigation.
But
“SURPRISE!!!”
Oh.
This is terribly sweet.
Coy, Hanbon, and some random are there with a cream pie and balloons and banners and party poppers and beer.
And as much as both Anthony and Will want to pass out, this is clearly more important.
“Hey! We’re really so so so super sorry for ditching you!”
“We didn’t ditch them Hanbon, we weren’t legally required to be there.”
“You kind of were, and how would that make it not ditching?”
“Really? We planned this whole thing, I don’t want to hear about laws and grammar.”
Will runs over to Hanbon and Coy, crushing them both in a bear hug.
You can tell he’s saying he was worried and missed them, with Hanbon apologizing sincerely.
There’s a guy on the couch but Anthony can’t be bothered.
He cracks open a beer and sits next to the guy.
And eventually his friends join him.
They all end up lying on the plush cushions with a movie in the background no one’s paying attention to.
Scrabble gets heated, everyone climbs on top of each other and Anthony flips the table over while Coy pisses him off more.
His landlord will kill him.
Hanbon starts hitting everyone with pillows, Will dances—?.
The aroma of beer fills the room.
It’s a bit funny to think of the crazy and mundane day all of them had.
But at the end of everything, they’ll always join back together.
They’ll always be a bunch of friends.