Chapter Text
Rose couldn’t believe what she was seeing.
Her husband, the love of her life, was no longer sleeping on their couch, being replaced with some…stranger! She had to wake him up, she had to get answers! She had to-
[DING-DONG!]
Answer the door. She wondered who it could be this early in the morning…maybe it was the newspaper, maybe it was a package. Or maybe it was a certain landlord…
“H-Hello- GOODMAN?! What are you doing here so early?!”
“Good morning, future breeding sow.”
“Excuse you?! My name is Rose!”
“I couldn’t give two shits and a fuck what your name is, cause once I find out Marvin doesn’t have his house payment, you’re gonna be my property! Now get your shit, Papa Goodman’s in the mood for some road dome, and your mouth looks like the perfect hole.” Goodman walked past a nervous and flabbergasted Rose, trying to tell Goodman that Marvin wasn’t on the couch anymore, but that was something he would find out in a few seconds…
“Alright Marvin, I know you don’t have your house payment, so let’s stop beating around the bush and start the move out now, get your lazy ass up and- WHO THE HELL IS THAT?!”
Goodman dragged the covers off of who he thought was Marvin, only to find Mario sleeping on the couch instead. He looked at Rose with a death glare.
“You helped Marvin run away to avoid paying me, didn’t you?!”
“W-what?! You think I’m in on this?!
As the two argued over who should take the blame for this, Mario was still asleep, unaware that he was in a completely different world…
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The night before, in the land of the Mushroom Kingdom, in contrast to the loud and chaotic night that Marvin had, Mario’s house was calm. In fact, he wasn’t even home, as his brother Luigi was busy holding down the fort while Mario was on a date with the leader of the kingdom, Princess Peach.
When Mario came home that night, he was completely enamored by the mere thought of going on another date with her, the princess’ pink lipstick covering the heroic red plumber from their moments of passion.
“I take it the date went-a well, Bro?” Luigi smiled, seeing his older brother walk into the house.
“Like a dream.” Mario gave a thumbs up, his mind still in wonderland somewhat. “I’m-a gonna turn in early for the night. Good-a night Luigi.”
“See you in the morning, Bro!” Luigi called back, happy that his brother had a good time.
As Mario cleaned himself up, he didn’t even bother changing into his pajamas. He was so tired from the long day he had, only having just enough energy to climb into bed and sleep in his regular clothes. As he fell asleep however, he failed to notice a familiar looking enemy shoot him with a mysterious purple ray and seemingly disappear, the enemy laughing and teleporting away…
…only for a certain other bald bum to suddenly pop up and take Mario’s place, still sleeping on the bed as he uncomfortably tossed and turned in his sleep.
Unbeknownst to the two, Mario and Marvin both swapped places due to that mysterious weapon, and they have no idea how much both of them would be changed from here on out…
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Mario slowly woke up to the sound of two people arguing, noticing that his bed feels a lot less comfortable than usual. That was already weird, but then he noticed a weird smell that wasn’t there before. Then Mario very quickly realized a terrifying fact.
This wasn’t his house.
As a matter of fact, this wasn’t even his own world.
“Mama-mia…what the heck-a happened last night?”
Rose and Goodman turned to see that the mysterious stranger had woken up, looking around a house that looked nothing like his, with people that kinda looked like him, but not really.
“Oh, hello! Did uh, did I walk into the right-a house last night?”
Rose was the first to speak. “W-Who are you? What did you do with Marvin?”
“And why do you remind me of another guy who’s still late on house payments?” Goodman added, annoying Rose. And just when things seemed like they'd gotten crazy enough, Jeffy walked into the room, still visibly tired, but that would change soon.
“Mother, why is the money man here in our humble abode, when I’m trying to take a massive- HOLY FUCKING SHIT IN THE BED!” he screamed, looking at a confused Mario, who was curious on why he wore a bicycle helmet inside.
Rose looked at Jeffy. “D-Do you know him, Jeffy?”
Jeffy turned to Rose as if she asked him what his favorite person to kill was.
“KNOW HIM?!” Jeffy yelled. “JESUS CHRIST MOMMY, ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND?! THAT’S THE CEO OF NINTENDO! WE’RE ALL GETTING FUCKED BY 20 INCH RHINO DICKS! OL’ RHINO DICK! SUPPLEMENTS IN THE HOUSE AND SHIT!
Goodman was flabbergasted by what Jeffy just said. “What the fuck is that condom baby talking about?”
Mario asked probably the only real question here today aside from Rose.
“Is that guy always-a…like that?”
Rose and Goodman looked at each other and nodded.
“Yes, pretty much.”
“Everytime I hear his voice, my brain starts leaking out of my ears.”
“I see…but if you don’t-a mind me asking…where am I, exactly?” Mario continued to look around, knowing that he definitely wasn’t in the Mushroom Kingdom anymore…
“Actually you can answer our question first.” Rose said sternly. “Who are you, and what did you do with-”
“You’re in Pensacola.”
“Jeffy!”
Mario’s eyes widened from Jeffy’s answer. “P-Pensacola?! But that’s in Florida…in my original universe? But that doesn’t make-a sense, how could I have possibly-”
“Aw, who cares where you came from?!” Goodman suddenly yelled. “All I know is that cheapskate fuck Marvin owes me money, and he ditched town because he knew he couldn’t pay it off! Ooooh I swear to God, when I see him again he’s gonna be worse than homeless, he’s sleeping in a doghouse with Chives!”
“Aw, he’s-a gonna sleep with a dog?”
“Chives is my butler.”
“Ohhhhh…”
“Anyway, all of you grab your shit and get the fuck out! Except you…Ronnie?”
“It’s Rose!”
“I don’t give a shit. Come in my Lamborghini so we can talk business. And by talk, I mean you give me some road dome.”
Mario was flabbergasted by what he saw. Not even awake for a minute and he already saw a mentally challenged kid (he doesn’t know Jeffy is 21 yet) screaming about that one company that makes games based on his adventures, a mustached man who seems more worried about his house payments than one of his tenants being gone, and while he couldn’t pick up on Rose’s personality, he knew one thing…
…her husband’s disappearance was related to him, and he couldn’t leave until he fixed this problem, starting with the house.
“Wait, wait! Hold on just-a second there Mr…ummm?”
“Goodman. Mr Goodman. And in case you didn’t know, I’m rich as FUCK.”
“Yes yes, I can see, you are-a, quite the businessman.” Mario said, trying to get on Goodman’s good side, no pun intended. It wasn’t working, with Goodman being reminded of a similar buttering up that Marvin did one time.
“I swear to god you mini Captain Lou Albano looking fuck, if you’re trying to fuck me with a missing house payment like Marvin, I’m going to rip that mustache off and glue it to my-”
Mario immediately corrected him. “Oh no no no, quite the contrary, my billionaire-a friend! I want to pay you the money that-a you need, but I need more-a time. I just arrived in this world after all-”
“I don’t give a shit if you came down from Satan’s Orgy Spectacular! About 5-6 six people live in this house, and you’re telling me not one of them can pay bills aside from the absolute worst person to have you pay back?”
“Well, I’m-a sure this Marvin guy has a job, right guys?”
Rose and Jeffy looked at each other and started laughing, rolling on the floor with tears of laughter streaming down their faces. Even Goodman couldn't resist cracking up, knowing Marvin couldn’t hold a job to save his life.
“The day Daddy gets a job is the day I move out of the house!”
“And I’m too pretty to have a job!”
Mario stared at them, flabbergasted again. He had the strangest feeling that wasn’t going to be the last time he felt that towards this family…
“You know what, since you’re new, I’ll give you one- ONE! Extension. Have my money by Sunday night, or it’s your ass.”
“Ok, ok…how-a much is it?”
“$3,000 per month.”
Mario’s jaw almost fell to the floor. $3,000? How could a guy with no job or ambitions afford a place this nice? It was one of the biggest questions he had…
…and unfortunately for the mustached hero, it was one he wouldn’t have answered anytime soon.
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Meanwhile, in Mario’s world, Luigi woke up in his bed, got dressed, and ate his breakfast, somehow not noticing the guy in Mario’s bed was completely different from Mario…at first. He walked over, expecting his brother to be up by now, only to be greeted by a certain someone.
“Good morning big bro- DEAR GOD!”
Marvin was laying on Mario’s bed, tossing and turning as he dreamed about all the various nightmare situations that were guaranteed to occur when he woke up. He almost dreamed that he could stay asleep and remain in his delusions, but as he would come to find when he woke up, reality is often stranger, especially to someone with as weird of a life as Marvin.
Marvin muttered as he tried to turn over in the bed.
“N-No Goodman, I don’t have your…payment…Zzzzzzzzz….”
Luigi went from scared to mildly annoyed seeing Marvin ignoring him, so he just dragged the covers off of him and waited for him to respond. After a few seconds, the chilly bedroom forced Marvin to wake up, realizing that he was no longer on the couch.
“H-Huh? Why’s it so cold in- wait a minute! A bed?! Why am I in a- Rose! Jeffy! Where the hell am I?!” Marvin yelled, trying to recollect his surroundings. He woke up way too many times in his own bed to know that this obviously wasn’t his house, so he had to open up the blinds in order to figure out where he was at, and what he saw blew his mind…
Marvin looked out of the window to see mushroom based statues and wonders, with a small town in the middle of it all, and if that didn’t make Marvin curious about this place, there was a giant castle overlooking the city; with a mysterious blonde haired woman being used as the logo for the Royal Castle.
“Oh no…I have the feeling that I’m not in Florida anymore…”
“Ummm…hello?”
Marvin turned backwards to see a man in a green hat, a green sweater, and sweat pants greeting him.
“Uh, hey. Pleasure to-a meet you sirl- My name’s-a Luigi! You- um….you don't have to um, know where my-a brother is, do you?
“...Nope. No idea.” Marvin went back to the window to stare, all while Luigi started pacing back and forth, not knowing where his brother went, and there was something telling him that Marvin might be part of the reason behind his disappearance.
[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!]
But Luigi would have to wait a while to ask about that, as he went to answer the door, and found that Princess Peach was there.
“Oh! Good morning, Princess!” Luigi greeted Peach, who revealed a slightly worried expression with her eyebrows despite her smile.
“Good morning, Luigi! Is Mario home?”
“Oooooh yeah…about that…you might-a want to take a look at this.” Luigi said with a worried tone, confusing Peach as they both went in.
Seconds later, Marvin was bewildered as she found a beautiful princess crying over him…or at least the guy he replaced in this world.
“Oh, my poor Mario…bald before the age of 30!”
“Hey, what the hell?!” Marvin yelled, clearly still self conscious about his bald spot.
“Yeah, that’s what I meant to ask-a you about Princess, this man clearly isn’t Mario, and he definitely isn’t from-a this world either.”
“Who the hell is this “Mario” guy you keep talking about?! My name is Marvin! And why does he get a full set of hair while I’m balding…” Marvin started out angry, then became sad as he remembered his predicament with his hair. Luigi and Peach meanwhile looked at each other with a realization that Marvin must actually be from another world, because living in the Mushroom Kingdom and not being aware of Mario and his heroics had to have been borderline impossible.
“What do you-a think we should do with him, Peach?” Luigi asked, about to go grab his hat.
“Bring him with us, Luigi.” Peach said with a determined tone. “If the things my scouts are telling me are true, we could be in for an all hands on deck situation, and we’ll need everyone who’s willing to help. Even…strangers from other worlds.”
Marvin looked around the house and outside the window. “I know this was somehow Jeffy’s fault, I just can’t prove it yet! I swear when I get home, I’m tossing him out on the street myself!”
Luigi and Peach looked at each other again. They really needed Mario back…sooner rather than later.
____________________________________________________________________________
“Okay, here’s the plan.” Mario started pacing back and forth. You guys need $3,000 by-a Sunday night, or you lose the house. Is that-a right?”
“No.”
“Jeffy!” Rose exclaimed.
“That wasn’t a plan Mommy, that was an ultimatum! We learned that in school the other day!”
“Awww that’s amazing, Jeffy! But um, didn’t you have school today?”
“...oh FUCK.” Jeffy bolted out of the room, grabbing his backpack and running out of the door.
“I GOT A FIGHT WITH BULLY TODAY I CAN’T MISS IIIIITTTTTTTT!” Is what Mario and Rose heard as Jeffy ran out of the door with his backpack, getting into his Jeffymobile and driving off.
“Welp, I guess I have to get to work-a myself!” Mario exclaimed, hopping up from the couch.
“Wait, you’re leaving? By yourself? To go to…work?” Rose asked, wondering what Mario’s plan was.
“Yep! Does Marvin have a car?”
“Right here!” Rose tossed Mario Marvin’s car keys and his wallet, just in case something happened while Mario was stopped by police.
“Oh yeah! I might need Jeffy’s help later when he gets home from school so make sure he’s ready to go, okay Miss…I’m-a sorry, I never caught your name?”
“Rose. Mrs Rose.”
“What a beautiful name…I’m sure your-a husband is proud of it!” Mario gave Rose a thumbs up as he left, getting into Marvin's car and driving off.
Rose sighed. “Yeah…sometimes I wonder…”
____________________________________________________________________________
She looked out of the window feeling melancholy, unaware that in another world, Marvin was doing the same thing thinking about her. Him, Luigi and Peach were in a royal caravan, heading back to Peach’s Castle as the toads looked at Marvin, wondering if Mario got a new look and became more depressed sometime in the last 12 hours.
“Is there something on your-a mind, Marvin?” Luigi asked.
Marvin sighed. “Me and my wife got into a fight last night over our son’s future.
“Aww, how young is the little bambino?”
“He’s 21.”
“Ah, not so little.”
“Don’t worry Marvin, after this meeting, we’ll do our best to get you back home as soon as possible!” Peach tried to reassure Mario, to no avail.
“You'd be better off leaving me here…”
Luigi and Peach looked at each other with worried expressions, the latter trying to change the subject.
“W-Well, there's one good thing about all of this!”
“What's that?” Luigi asked.
“There's only one person that's displaced across space and time, and it's Mario of all people!”
Luigi chuckled. “Yeah, that's true! If there's anyone that can thrive in a brand new world, it's Mario!”
Marvin scoffed. “What's so great about this Mario guy, anyway?”
Everyone in the caravan stopped and stared at Marvin.
“Oh yeah, you don't-a know who Mario is, huh?” Luigi asked. “Well just sit back and relax, I'll tell you all about him!”
“I can’t possibly imagine a worse hell for myself…” Marvin started, before thinking about his family again.
“...well I can think of a few…”
____________________________________________________________________________
And unfortunately for Peach, her thoughts about Mario being the only one being sent to that world were untrue, as someone else was sent there too.
In fact, they were running towards a school bus stop at high speed, with Joseph and Cody lagging behind them.
“Come on you slowpokes! I thought humans were supposed to be fast!”
“Oh hell nah! I'm not about to get dusted by a turtle! Come on Cody, haul ass!”
“W-Wait a minute, Joseph! The bus doesn't even come for another 10 minutes! Why are we even running?!”
“For pride, Cody! For pride!”
Armed with Jr's backpack and phone, the Prince of The Koopas, Bowser Jr, was sent to the same strange new world as Mario, but he was just as determined to return to his home and reunite with his family.
Just as soon as he finished this day of school first.
[END OF CHAPTER 2]